BREAKAlex here!!

2009-08-02T04:20:00.004+08:00

Watching Shi Wei dance makes me speechless.

Its really proud for me to know such a great dancer and senior.

It's been a long tym since i laz met him face to face...i believe it was when i went baq to sg go collect my A lvls results, and i had a session with him. learning his choreo using Because of You by Ne-yo tgt with Jen Wei.

No doubt, he is a remarkable person.

He has been my inspiration. He is no ordinary dancer. He performs with so much passion & love...& charisma.
When he's onstage, he'll be the one shinning. There's no way u cant recognise him. He's juz too good. He's got smooth & slick moves. He's got power & explosive moves. and the way he dance thru his steps is juz magical...so nice, so smooth, so musical...
When he dances, u'll be pulled into his world, as if u can feel his heart dancing for real. He brings yer soul to the dance floor and make u dance with the him.

I respect him a lot for who he is. I never seen anyone like him.
He is a charismatic leader and a passionate dancer.
Under his guidance I have become a better dancer.
He lit my passion for dance.
He taught me how to perform.
He inspire me to move on to higher levels.

I always wanted to be like him. but I was never anywhere near his level.
He's a genius talent.

One of my biggest regrets for coming baq Msia to study is to lose contact with the so many dancers and so many exposures that I can possibly get in Sg.
Seeing my frens performing always make me feel happy for and proud of them cuz they are expressing the same passion that I have. It's as if Im performing with them. They carry the same passion that Im carrying.

Im wishing desperately that I can be physically there with them. I want to perform. I want to perform with yall so much. I wanna be dancing with u guys forever.
I hate that Im stuck here. I regret that I couldnt stay. Im guilty that I didnt try hard enough.
I really miss yall. Those day we had tgt, having practices tgt, performing tgt, chit chatting tgt...I miss them so much.

Now Im trying. Im trying hard to achieve what Shi Wei had achieved.
But I lack his charisma. I lack his leadership.
I want to inspire people like he does.
Even with the obstacles and challenges that I will face, I want to inspire others and be inspired.

Shi Wei, THANK YOU!
Thank you for the inspirational conversations you had with us.
Thank you for motivating us and pushing us to be better performers.
Thank you for the time you spent with us.

and I still want to thank you in the future.

You are my best inspiration & motivation
and you will always be.
Respect!

2009-07-31T23:42:00.006+08:00

Dance club has been like a turbulence to me... fluctuating...

I like the way that the members are responding now.
it's wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy better than laz sem. yea...laz sem was like...err..

the practices are good. no big problem.
got them learning some pretty tough choreo tt i came out in the hour b4 the prac starts.. (haha)
n they've done a pretty good job catching up with it!
(actually i didnt realise the choreo was that tough when i was choreoing...)
hope that they'll perform it well. have faith in them.

but...some other part of the club isnt running as smoothly...
...aint sayin that out now.

hopefully the club will grow exponentially from here.

for now...all i wish is the commitment of my commitee members.
...and more hip hop dancers! :)

wanna be startin something soon...
people, pls behave! what's coming yer way will be a big wave.

******************************************************************

this is my calendar design for my Desktop Publishing II first assignment:

Yea, something lidat. its to be made into a cube.
didnt take a photo of the calendar cube b4 i submit it, so...too bad!

dunno why lor, this sem i've been using black n white for my DTP assignments...
my 2nd assignment not bad oso lor...
(costs my 50 bucks!!!! how can it be bad?? lol jk)
didnt take photo for tt oso.
but tt one take photo oso not good enough.
gotta see it and touch it to make it work.
Oh, btw that assignment is a poster design.
yessssss....a poster. that can animate!!!
haha
quite proud of that idea, but the finishing was flawed. not a 50 bucks outcome. T_T

this sem is pretty bad. with lotsa group assignments...
personally i prefer solo work. group work can be disastrous...and stressful, duh.

week 9 ending. week 10 coming. soon the sem will come to an end.

FASTER LA!!!

******************************************************************

sometyms i juz wonder, why cant i be a better person?

comparin myself to a more perfect fren of mine.
suddenly i feel soooooooooooo inferior.
feel like im nowhere near that level.
there's too much that im lacking.

all this tym, i've been followin a set of values and standards that i have...
but lately i realise that they may not be what i should have followed.
there are flaws in them. imperfections. errors.

...

somehow made me feel a lil lost.

...n here comes the pessimist me.

got me distracted lately.
with some conflicting emotions.
it juz made me feel worse.

tryin to get myself baq on track.
telling myself to stand strong n not lose myself.
telling myself to calm down n think again.
telling myself to let it go n i'll be alryt again.

...

stil...

2009-07-31T01:22:00.002+08:00

suddenly feel an urge to post something. tho im busy doin work. haha

feel a lil lost these days. got kinda distracted by my emotions. got emo pretty easily these days.
haiz

getting very broke this week..
spend 50 bucks on printing my poster... for the animation effect.
den had 2 bdae celebration with my housemates.
now im dead broke.
way outta my week budget.
somemore haven pay my rent (i think)...
haiz.

life is not at best.

wish that it was always the old tyms.
missin my buddies madly.
4P'05 bros...NJ dance buddies...TJ 04/06 gang...n all others baq then whom i knew...

life really is not at best.

I'm startin to regret for not tryin to continue my tertiary in singapore.

I wanna live my life to the fullest.
Dun wanna live like a fool.
I wanna be better than this.
I dun wanna be stuck with almost no improvements like this.

Im getting a lil lost.

Wad am i goin to say now?

2009-06-29T01:02:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday to Jz, my lovely fren + housemate + classmate. She's fun. hahaha

Had a celebration for her at homw juz now. pretty high & fun.

Now that im holding an important post, i shall be starting a revolution. muahhahaha
start thinking alr ba
take action ba
the most important thing is stil to get the team tgt

shall i start choreo?

2009-06-27T12:35:00.001+08:00

Hello!

2009-05-09T18:56:00.010+08:00

The previous post on Freestylz was on laz yesterday morning...

Actually i went to Genting with the GD2 peeps on tues. total of 8 people, 4 guys 3 girls & 1 boy - "girlgirl".
went there for fun, feel the wind, snap some shots, juz to have some tym tgt...
the haze was heavy tt day, making the weather so damn cool.
we snapped quite alot of fun shots... but not using my camera. so see more in our facebook. haha

not bad lor the trip. i managed to use only 3.50 bucks up there.
so all tgt with the transport fees i actually spent less than 25 bucks. haha

*************************************************************

our semester actually juz ended.
happy tt it ends, but sad tt some friends will be leavin to kampar and setapak.

I juz had some wonderful tym dancing and practicing with my fellas.
first tym, after so long, i feel tired from dancing.
first tym, after so long, i feel like im really dancing again.
I really enjoyed the prac. so im really glad to know u guys, Jestin & Wen Long.

but they're gonna leave for kampar next semester.
I juz hoped we've met earlier.

Tho setapak is juz an hour away from PJ, but i dun think we have tym to prac as often as we can if we're tgt.
But stil, we will dance.

"To touch, to move, to inspire.
That's the gift of dance."

2009-05-09T18:31:00.002+08:00

Video shooting was tiring but fun.

Havin the chance to see how they do it is part of learning.
and i think i can begin to understand how tough is an artist's life when there's so many shootings they gotta go for...

I had the chance to chit chat with the Brand Manager of F&N.
It was a good experience.
He's a great person.
A knowledgeable thinking guy. He shared alot of stuff with us, and i enjoyed talkin to him.
He actually knows more stuff than me when it comes to dancin in malaysia. lol

I would like to thank some people for this opportunity.
F&N - for havin Freestylz
Essense Communications - for havin me to be part of this
- Edmund and his colleagues especially, for guidin me thru the process
My parents - for understanding me and allowing me to be in
Videographers - for the hours spent shootin and editin
Broadcasting seniors, Kevin's gang - for the first video shootin

I hope for the best at the launch.

I hope I can do myself proud.

check out fnfreestylz.com for info on Freestylz competition.

2009-04-29T11:06:00.004+08:00

talkin bout passion...
how passionate am i ryt now?

now ppl wanna video shoot my life to show my passion.
know wad?
i got nothing to show.
cuz its all bout me & myself dancin. tts all. will anyone feel anythin?

i try to find out why is this happening... i realise my passion did not start here. it started baq then in my junior college years where every practice and performance can be so happening and we all look forward to every single session and show.
tts how i would like to express my passion. not juz me, but us, as a team, as a crew.

after those years, im baq in malaysia. and frankly speakin i find it difficult to light up my passion. it is as if there is no energy to push the passion..
in my campus, there is hardly anyone who put in as much effort as i do to dance, i dare to say.
i dun even feel the existence of the dance club when only 2 ppl turn up during the practice sessions. this is never the way to dance.
and this is the f*ed up thing tt i really hate bout utar culture.

if u cannot commit in dance, dun even think bout starting a showcase!
if u cannot commit in dance, then stop wasting tym pissing ppl off!
if u cannot commit in dance, stop giving wrong impression and dun even act as if u can dance, cuz u cant, and u dun have the passion for it.

i was tryin to improve the situation here.
i've been tryin...but tryin is not enough.
no matter how hard i try, its like one sided. there's hardly any response.
im not big enough to make a change in the culture, i guess.

so, i've been more or less on my own for the past one year.
really, i hardly met anyone like myself.. who sees dance as life, who put dance in their top priorities. even if there are, they were never as committed as i hoped they would be.

if u wanna see more of my passion for dance, u can see it in my junior college years...not now.
im a soloist now. tho i've been trying to look for ppl to team up with...but...
there isnt much passion u can see around.

video me up is not a good idea at all.
instead, ask me bout how and wad i've done with my passion.
i would be more than delighted to share...
but this is not wad they wan. they wanna see it. not hear it. hence they shoot.
and it put me in a damn tough situation.
somemore timing is never ryt. first tym was laz minute during a study week weekend, now its halfway during the exam period. i said im fine with this, but tt doesnt mean my frens are fine with it. especially when i need them to help me out with this shooting.

the thing is, u wont see my passion in juz one day. tts ridiculous.
even if yer gonna follow me whole n see wad i do, ppl will juz feel tt its some fake stuff cuz who the hell would start popping and toprocking halfway walking on the street? normal ppl gonna think this is so fake.
but tts wad i do.

its juz ridiculous to imagine ppl posting videos on youtube with title like "passionate dancers" and shows some dancers juz dancin. yea, we can see tt they can dance, but can we see the passion?
...c'mon...its not something tt can be seen...

dulan nah...
die liao la, dunno where to find dancers to dance with me for the video...

**************************************************
Putting those things aside, i found this choreographer Ask Ali. i like his style!!
check it out

2009-04-24T23:21:00.002+08:00

One of my most inspiring dance senior is in this...
His name is Shi Wei.

and look at me ryt now...

how far do I have to catch up??
I really wish I could experience the same thing...

2009-04-20T23:40:00.005+08:00

My gang visited Pulau Ketam laz saturday.
went there to take some photos and to relax a lil.
here's some photos taken. more can be found in my Facebook album.

let the pics do the talking. im lazy to type captions for them.

Pulau Ketam is not really an island.
its more like a raised land... on top of some mangrove and land.

peaceful place, reminds me of the kampung of my grandparents.
they have candies & ice-creams that we used to eat when we're stil kids.

a big problem that i see in Pulau Ketam is land pollution.
it inevitable tho.. in such places, it is really tough to implement any law or policy that is strong enough to bring down the pollution.

sad.

**************************************************

Theme: Construction Site

this is my final project for digital photography. haha
it aint tt bad for a laz minute work...
all photos taken one day b4 submission
all captured within 2 hours
lol

2009-04-17T01:56:00.003+08:00

its been quite some tym since my laz update..
busy days are over soon.
hell lotsa things happened.

********************************************

http://fnfreestylz.com/

check this out: im one of the spokesman for this competition. haha
a video featurin myself will be shown on the event launch.
pls support me!!

it was all very laz minute and sudden tho haha.
so pls forgive me for my performance.

it all happened with a call from essence. askin if i was interested in the job..
well yes, of course!
got chosen after the interview, and then have to shoot a video of my lifestylz as a street dancer.
n i got less than a day to prepare for the shoot. lol
luckily with the help from Jestin & Long, the video shoot became better than my expectation (as in expectation for the worst case senario).
its great to get to know the people as well... Edmund, Kevin, and the other Broadcasting seniors. thanks for yer efforts!!!

THANKS Jestin & Long! and especially Jestin! glad tt yer ard to help me out!!

go to Ikano next wednesday afternoon to catch the launch!
i'll be there for sure. yea, for xur..

******************************************

i got myself a NEW MP3 Player!!!!
for 199 bucks. haha i think its wirth it tho.
2GB, touch button, with FM and FM recording function.
well this is the main things that suited my requirement.
its nice. really. pretty similar to my previous one.. (which i have lost it... T.T)

got it during the PC fair. and wanna thank Jestin again for accompanyin me for the evening.

finally, i got music baq to my life.

i realise how music can really motivate me to do things.
how music make me improve.
how music make me myself again.

life without music juz isnt ryt... haha.. well, to me, at least.

yea, so learn to love music. learn to appreciate. learn to listen to it.

******************************************

Assignment wise...
almost all done. now left with one final drawing project - the storyboard.

i shall post up my photographs for the final project.
but not this post, cuz i dun have them now. haha

******************************************

well actually there's more to update. but im stil doin my drawing stuff for tmr, yea...
so i better continue with it....

dance is an expression.

2009-03-30T21:22:00.003+08:00

quite a lot of things happened in the past weekend..

'bewildered.. why are u doin this?'
tts my nick in msn.

first of i wanna apologize for shoutin and actin rough on u.
it wasnt my intention.. but i juz dunno how else i can react.

imma anti-smoker.
seein my good fren smoking in front of my own eyes...I JUZ CANT TAKE IT.
WHY?
why do u smoke?
wad excuse can u give to smoke? wadever excuses u can think of, they're juz excuses!

i really hated u tt moment.
i couldnt control myself well n i wanted to smack u till u realize how angry i was.

u told me tt u smoked before...but i believe tt it had past.. as long as u dun touch cigarettes anymore.
u said u avoided smokin in front of me.. but tts not the problem! the fact tt u smoke tt cigarette has already ruin my inpression on u. i dun wan u to avoid smokin from me, i dun wan u to smoke at all!

u said im stil a kid.. wads up with smoking??
in yer eyes i might be juz a kid.
but i'd rather keep this kid's mindset cuz i never wanna see any of my frens smokin.

if i were to see u do tt again, i would stil bash u up..again.
cuz i think of u as my very good fren..

i didnt know why hui ling & rhu pin failed to stop u...

but pls...
dun do tt again..
i hope u know how i feel.

i guess u do.

********************************************

Incident 2:
i found out tt 2 of my SJAB juniors are in dance now!

i used to be their DPC in their sec1...which is like damn long ago..

to know tt they are in MAD (music & dance) now makes me feel relief and happy.
i can see the path tts opened up for them. its so bright..
i wanna feel dance like how they do...
how they work hard to workon another move... how they practice to polish their routines...how they had their self pracs tgt...

reminds me of how i used to be..
reminiscing the past tym when we dance tgt...in NJ... in TJ.. in HCI...
those are the happy tyms.
i wish i was always there...

Congrats!
this goes out to my dancemates in Spore.
juz in early march. my NJ dance buddies: Wen Hao, Yoga, Ryan, Cheryl and a few more new dancers form D2E and clenched 2nd place in Impressario 2009.
when i know this, i feel very proud of them,
i feel happy for them,
and actually im envy of them.

to be able to dance tgt in a team.
to be able to join a competition tgt.
juz being tgt under the name of dance.
i think tts a wonderful feeling.
but i couldnt feel tt now.

i've wished so much tt i had continue to stay in Spore, tt i can have the chance to continue to dance with my fellas and the ladies, tt i can continue to learn from Shi Wei, Chii Tarng, Dan, Felix, Zaki, Ms Ee Ching and other inspiring dancers..
these people have influenced me in my path of dancing. n im grateful to them.
wad they taught me had helped me to appreciate dance better... and to dance better.

now im here alone.

will i be able to inspire?

*************************************

Incident 3:
MV shooting for my BC seniors!

Thanks for letting me to be a part of this production!
Thank you Jorene!

my role is a street dancer.
in the MV im juz a supporting actor. i had a radio. (song!) outside McD in Sg Wang.

some freestyles.
was pretty ok. tho had some repetitive moves and the floor condition restricted some of my moves. but overall its fine.
my turtle wasnt tt solid after some tym.
gotta train up my strength & stamina...
love the non-stop remix by Jorene's fren! it was great!
thanks for the treat on my drink too!

cant wait to see the outcome of the production..
same goes for the one by Bel..
i was one of the dancers for Bel's MV shooting as well!
didnt blog bout tt...was pretty busy then..
but it was all great!

********************************************************

alryt. i gotta continue to finish up my work now...
stil have a presentation tmr.. haha

2009-03-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

UTTER disappointment.
disappointment happens when ppl or things do not meet yer expectation.

its not tt i have too high expectation of them.
but its the very basic expectation tt they did not meet.

is this the trend here?

i dun wanna be infected with this virus. its gonna be fatal to me.

"they aint bboys. they aint even dancers. even if they're given 10 yrs, with their current attitude, they can make it to nowhere."

2009-03-24T20:53:00.002+08:00

tonite is gonna be a busy one.
gonna sit in front of my com for hours. tmr gonna hand up some work..
illustrator & indesign. ahaha

've been listening to a nice song.
makes me wanna choreograph to it..
its really nice.

enjoy!
T.I. feat Justin Timberlake - Dead and Gone

2009-03-24T01:18:00.005+08:00

im bored.
post some photos ba...
this is who i am:

.MY TRADEMARK. haha

and this would be the most diao of all...

End of post.
haha

2009-03-24T00:33:00.002+08:00

week 11 has come.
very quickly.
1 sem gone lidat.

regrets.
havent achieved much.
losing a lot.
undone things.
broken things.

been thinkin of u lately.
how are u? ...i wonder

2009-03-23T00:52:00.003+08:00

Congrats to the champions of UTAR IDOL 2009!!!
Congrats to Yon Lynn! cheer up ayt! we all know tt u deserve more than wad u get.
Thanks Poppin' Boys for coming to perform for us! Yall are great as usual!

UTAR IDOL was a great success!! Im lovin' it!
so far i can say its the most successful event in UTAR.
finally i see quality.
haha

i love their idea of giving puzzles as gifts to the participants. meaningful.
n i like the transparent medal for the top 3 places. looks nice.
unexpected.
shows tt the committee put in some good efforts to make the event more than juz a normal singing competition.
didnt waste my ticket. haha

kok joo u have become a man finally!!!
see u performin better onstage now..
never fail to impress me haha

hmmm.. maybe i'll try to sing some songs too.
next year join this as a dancer.... singing while doin freezes..
SWEE!
lol juz kiddin

2009-03-19T02:05:00.003+08:00

this post is gonna be full of complaints.

but first up, thanks to Ultimaxx studio for performing for us!
we had a great tym watchin yer showcase!
really thanks!
btw there's suppose to be some souvenirs for yall...
we'll pass them to yall soon!

haha

damn i had a pretty f*ed up day.
i wonder why?

joined a dance club event. which seriously sucked. if u can even call it an event...
dunno wad to say.
feels like an extreme let-down to me.

[the why? checklist]
no more than 50 audience____checked
no more than 3 performances (WOW, ryt?)____checked
practically no rehearsal (since we're the only performers)____checked
no opening ceremony____checked
where's the VIP? (when there's supposed to be one)____checked
no proper stage (as usual)____checked
LOUSY technician (really)____checked
alot of details were omitted (from my point of view, this is a huge mistake)____checked
n btw the audience waited like an hour before the 'event' started____checked also
totally OWNED!!!

damn dulan with the technician.
only max 2 songs to be played during the whole show.
CANT HE EVEN LISTEN TO THEM FIRST?
my solo was stopped..cut..denied.... [whichever word is more suitable]
thanks lots to this fella.
lemme know who he is. he aint making any good impression.
breakbeats...wasnt him provided with those?
i dunno how serious do ppl take my comments, but i did told somebody to prepare breakbeats or some dance tracks for the battle.
gosh.
end up using tracks from Ultimaxx.
if he thinks tt playin some special effects while ppl are talkin is cool...shaddap.
deal with the basics man.

damn dulan with the organizer getting Ultimaxx studio to come.
senseless.
tho i did say we extremely lack performers.
check this.
1. we're making lousy impression for Ultimaxx
2. we're making ourselves look like clowns in front of everyone
n why are we getting them to perform for us at the first place??
3. wad good excuse can u give when u didnt do yer job getting enuf performers, endin up paying for external performers??

i would cancel the whole show instead. :)

damn dulan with myself screwing up and being screwed up.
sian diao.
why did i even agree to shits like this at the first place?
damn....

choreography tt can be done months ago.
practices tt shud've started months ago.
moves tt shud be drilled.
music tt can be properly remixed.

as for the crew, since its the first tym for them performing, i hope they've gained some experience from there. even if its rough.
no worries. experience is cumulative. more will be gain down the road as long as yer stil on the right track. have faith. have passion.

PS: getting a lil emo here, after watchin some items from my previous instructor in sg...check it out. maybe u'll understand my feelings better. haha

**************************

i found myself doing hell lotsa laz minute dance after i came baq from sg.
was it like this? no it never was..
since the days of K-TANK aka RBC, seldom have i been fully prepared to perform.
yet im the most prepared among them all.
wad de hell.
basic essential things tt i practiced baq then are ignored here.

i wish i can make a change.

2009-02-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

these few days have been pretty busy....

2009-02-02T20:48:00.010+08:00

its been a damn long tym since my laz post.
i never even update on my first sem in pj utar.

anw...
GONG HEY FATT CHOY!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

its ox year alr! may everyone have their wishes come true!
haha

dunno why this sem i feel damn troubled.
lotsa things to think bout.

dun think bout the bad part now.
lets look at something which is slightly happier.

since i came to utar i have been actively looking for opportunity to perform.
but hor... utar doesnt really have much successful events. so far many events i've seen are pretty disappointing.
haiz. gambate utarians...

i danced for some uni events. with my newly formed noob dance team aka rice basket crew aka RBC.
lol. the name's farny & lame, i know. but i dun really know how we got tt name alr.
not to say tt im damn proud of this team, but they are the ones who have accompanied me to perform & dance since i've enter this utar..& i know it a great accomplishment for us to reach where we are now tgt.

members of RBC:
GUAN HAN: the boss... who gets 4.0. damn hao lian one. lol!
KEVIN: the most special hair guy. famous for his unique & attractive hair style (even attracted guys.. rofl)

WAI LING: the only lady in the team. prettiest of all (according to Kevin). haha

& ALEX: quote: "the name's Alex. Imma dancer." hmmm... ( i shudnt comment too much on myself...)

actually there WERE 5 of us, but now one of us left the team after our first achievement..utar Inter-Faculty Dance Battle (IFDB) aka StreetBeatz..(held in 9th Aug 2008)
.. & emerged as 1st runner-up!!!
yes, used to be 5 man..oops! i mean 4 man 1 lady crew... named K-TANK.. like this:

we now stil moving on tgt, looking for opportunity to perform. but usually the preparations are pretty rush, so till now we dun really have any really outstanding performance to show yall yet..
but soon we'll have. yes. soon...

we all knew each other during utar Talent Nite 2008 (held in May-June). we were the participants baq then (performed individually tt tym).

but really, talent nite has been a great experience for me.. many things happened baq then..& till now the talent nite group of ppl are stil closely stick tgt thanks to our lao da Ya Fu.. who organised so many gatherings for us.. thanks lao da! haha.

check it out...

this is taken after Talent Nite Finale. we're all wear our TT shirts! & yes, TEDDY is with us.

haha the 4 leng chai. this was used at the TT booth...sweeeee!!!

yes...

oh ya.
im now studying in PJ utar now... & im taking Bachelor of Arts (Honours) Graphic Design & Multimedia. Done my first semester, now im in my second sem... = die T.T
im the course rep. the reason?
on the first day of school... got intro intro one ma. so everyone juz said their names & where they're from... damn sian listening to intros with the same format... & then...
"the name's Alex. Imma dancer."

SWEEE! successfully AA!

so, when we all wanna nominate our course rep.. fingers started to point at me!!
teacher: "ok... so yall ok with the dancer to be your course rep?"
me silent.
GG'ed! KENA LIAO!!!

...yes, im stil the course rep now. dealing with lame lame & troublesome troublesome things...

Laz sem result was ok... 3.2+ over max of 4.0. this sem die liao. cant afford to slack anymore...(tho im stil slacking now...)
Now got 3 subjects' assignments on hand. Problems of ordering art materials. Preparation for the next show. Issues with my girl.
So, im pretty stressed up nowadays.
u'll see me whacking the air sometyms outta no where...

Alryt. Nvm tt.

so, this is as far as i can write for now. More to come. these are juz some small portion of wad happened in the past almost-a-year...

b4 i end this up, a video for all to enjoy!
its juz a random pick from my collection of cool dance vids.

check it out!

2008-12-25T19:50:00.009+08:00

today is so special....

because of you

so pretty

so cute

WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

this Xmas is so cool...

im RIGHT!

2008-12-18T11:39:00.002+08:00

its been half a yr. haven been updating my blog.
reasons? ...too much things to do laz sem...no internet at my place...and so on.

starting my 2nd sem soon. well, not really so soon, on 12 jan...
got hell lotsa problems to deal with now, so many tt i sometimes forget.
so im in PJ now.
walauA...

b4 this i was workin in popular book store in ipoh parade for my 3 months sem break.
many things happened.
yea, many things...

havent been sleeping well laz nite... thinkin of wad to say to u...
right now...
I just don't know what to say...

I really don't know what to say...

I wish I knew what to say...

2008-05-12T17:27:00.002+08:00

Rules:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 171739
Name: Ng Vei Shen
Sisters: 1
Brothers: 1
shoe size: 8
Height: 170cm
Where do you live: Ipoh Perak
Favourite drinks: pepsi? once in a while la
Favourite breakfast: anything wil do
Have you ever been on a plane: yes
Swam in the ocean: no
Fallen asleep in school: who doesnt?
Broken someone's heart: ...
Fell off your chair: Yes
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: dun think so
Saved e-mails: yes
What is your room like: goin to see tt soon...
What's right beside you: dota player nicknamed archangel321 on my left, a kid on my right playin NFS
What is the last thing you ate: rice and soup (my lunch)
Ever had chicken pox: dun think so
Sore throat: ahaha... of coz. tts the resullt of cheerin for competition.
Stitches: yes
Broken nose: eh??
Do you believe in love at first sight: stil dunno lei
Like picnics: dunno. never tried b4
Who was the last person you danced with: ppl in esplanade
Last made you smile: juz now when i was reading my mail.
last yelled at: err... my laptop i guess

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: NIL
Kissed anyone: nope
Get sick: nope
Talked to an ex: NIL
Miss someone: almost
Eat: ...juz wad qn is this??

Best feeling in the world: dancing (is this a feeling?)
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: hell NO
What's under your bed: nothing...
Who do you really hate: smokers

What time is it now: 1747

Random:
Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now: nope
Q: Do you have any siblings: refer up
Q: Do you want children: yes
Q: Do you smile often: no i think
Q: Do you like your hand-writing: kinda
Q: Are your toenails painted: nope
Q: Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: ?? NIL
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing: pale blue (TJ delta house singlet)
Q: What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday: eating dinner
Q: I can't wait till: the moment im onstage
Q: When did you last cry: months ago?
Q: Are you a friendly person: kinda
Q: Do you have any pets: nope

Where is the person you have feelings for right now? ?? NIL

Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now? nope

Do you sleep with the TV on? i only sleep with my mp3 player on.

What are you doing right now? blogging. youtubing

Have you ever crawled through a window? hell YES. so many tyms...

Can you handle the truth? ...wad truth?

Are you too forgiving? most of the tym

Are you closer to your mother or father? same ba

Who was the last person you cried in front of? myself?

How many people can you say you've really loved? my family n friends. go count them

Do you eat healthy? yea i guess

Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? NIL

Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? Yes

How often do you go to church? NIL

If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? nobody

Are you loud or quiet most of the time? quiet

Are you confident? not very

5 things I was doing 10 years ago.. (1998, when i was primary2)
...walauA! so long ago how can i rmb? p2 is so insignificant somemore!!!
1- i wonder have i started drawing Digimon...
2- getting no4 in class (if i rmb collectli)
nothing else tt i can rmb...
3- ...
4- ...
5- ...

5 things on my to-do list today
1- come online (which i came)
2- some push up b4 sleep
3- world editor as usual
4- download dota AI map
5- sleep late?

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire
1- get shocked (never expect this kinda thing to happen)
2- save 'em
3- spent 'em
4- use 'em
5- burn 'em

5 bad habbits
(feels like messing myself up in front of everyone...)
1- lazy
2- 'anything la' attitude
3- enthu at the wrong things
4- ignorant at tyms
5- ...

5 places I have lived in
1- Ipoh
2- HCI boarding school
3- Dunman Hostel
4- PJ (coming soon...)
5- no more for now

5 jobs I've had
NONE. unless u count student in...
1-
2-
3-
4-
5-

5 ppl I tag: dun feel like tagging yet... next tym maybe

2008-05-05T16:12:00.002+08:00

damn squeezee la! walauA!

lol. i mean inside my com.
currently my com is left with little space.out of 40GB...well not exactly tt much...
29.1 GB used.sian diao. only left with 4.04 GB left...
i stil got lotsa video i haven store lor!
haiz. wish to get an external hard disk drive soon...

juz watched Alvin and The Chipmunks... from youtube.not bad la.
Dunno why I think Alvin is not as cute as the other two... lol
i didnt know Theodore's voice is actually Jesse McCartney!!!

...airflares in ma mind...tryin to figure out how the hell do i do it.
one thing to rmb for sure, left leg muz SHOOT THE MOON!

but i have no chance to try leh...
really looking forward to goin PJ, where its not home,
where i can have the freedom to move the way i want.

suddenly realise got lotsa friends start to dance
the world's becoming a better place...right?

2008-04-18T17:48:00.001+08:00

TAGGED!

1. Real name : Ng Vei Shen
2. Nickname : Alex, LX
3. Married : not yet
4. Male or Female : Male
5. Highschool : The Chinese Hight School aka Hwa Chong Institution
6. College : NATIONAL JUNIOR COLLEGE ...and Temasek Junior College
7. Short or long hair : ok gua... not long not short
8. Are you a health freak : i dunno
9. Height : i aint gonna tell yall
10. Do you have a crush on someone : yep
11. Do you like yourself : haha of course!
12. Piercings : nope
13. Righty or Lefty : Right

FIRST'S
14. First surgery : nose i think. when i was damn young
15. First piercing(s) : NIL
16. First person you see in the morning : normally its the clock. but it depends
17. First award : 11 @ SMOPS
18. First sport you joined : badminton in primary school? i dun even have a
19. First pet : none
20. First vacation : Thailand
22. First crush : a few years ago.... nah i aint gonna say it dammit. lol

CURRENTLY
23. Eating : NIL
24. Drinking : NIL
25. I'm about to : go home? now its like 6+ ler...

YOUR FUTURE
26. Want kids : duh..
27. Want to get married : DUH....
28. Careers in mind : DUHHH!!! erm, i mean its 'DUH' to those ppl who knows it. i dance.

WHICH ONE IS BETTER
29. Lips or eyes : eyes
30. Hugs or kisses : hugs
31. Shorter or taller : shorter. chiibi!
32. Romantic or spontaneous : spontaneous... i think
33. Sensitive or loud : Sensitive
34. Trouble maker or hesitant : trouble maker!

HAVE YOU EVER
35. Kissed a stranger : nope
36. Drank bubbles : nope
37. Lost glasses/contacts : yes.
38. Ran away from home : home? no. hostel? YES
39. Liked someone younger : nope
40. Liked someone older : yes
41. Broken someone's heart : i dun think so. i aint tt bad ayt...
42. Been arrested : almost
43. Cried when someone died : when tt is someone i know.
44. Liked a friend : i love my frens. wassup!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
45. Yourself : as long as im dancing
46. Miracles : always. but rarely do they happen on me.
47. Heaven : nah
48. Santa claus : nah.
49. Angels : nah

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY ~*
50. Is there one person you want to be with right now : nope
51. Do you believe in God : nope

most of my frens got tagged already....
Tag: xian the double (did xian kena?), chiawei (haha new victim!), wenhao.... err and nobody else i guess

2008-04-14T16:43:00.001+08:00

Getting P license.
Now I can take u anywhere u wanna…well, not really…

Another month and it’ll be the start of the semester.
Looking forward to it actually. Meeting new people, new environment… it’ll be another experience for me.

I wonder if I can find roommates who’re as nice as jenjen and simpson.

Hopefully there are dancers around…
And places like esplanade underground…

Theres gonna be a talent time… ya kno Im gonna go for it.
Im gonna see where’s my standard then…

While Im looking forward to the life in PJ, Im actually reminiscing the time I had in the past years in Sg. I keep having flashback. I dream bout many people I met then.
I guess I aint the kind who move on easily.
Like when I was admitted to TJ. I grudged for the 2 years.
In fact, till now Im stil thinking if I remained in NJ, then…how things could be better.
I probably wont be anti-social. I’ll probably dance better. I’ll probably have more friends…

But I cant turn baq tym.

I’ve been rusting for months, almost never touch bboying. And DEFINITELY not learning any new moves…
So Im tryin to revive my old self. The old one. Or I shud say the younger one…
I wanna be the me 3 yrs ago who practice powermoves whenever I can.
I wanna bboy. At least get somemore powermoves…and style of coz.

Oh btw I’ve been playin warcraft world editor… Im working on this map… (haha too bored at home)
Im tryin to create a new ‘race’.
Im probably a noob in programming… but I think the map is not bad lor haha.
Anyone wanna try? lol

My phone have no credit now. Lazy to add. Sianz.

2008-04-10T16:21:00.008+08:00

yo wassup everybody!

a few updates on my side...

1. I juz received UTAR's offer letter. Im goin UTAR (PJ campus). course: graphic design. start in May.

2. I passed by driving test. now left with motor test, which is on tml. i pass, i get P. i fail, i need to renew my L and try again...(cuz my L ends on 17 april..) wish me luck!

3. sssstil aint workin. bored in home. gaming most of the tym...

dunno wad else to write now... so..

got some pictures here, drawn long ago...

-my most recent one. drawn laz decenber. i forgot his name...

- this is Garurumon. my favourite!

- this is Meramon. best drawn...in my opinion.

and this is me.

my first photo in ma blog.

cool ayt?

2008-03-27T14:30:00.004+08:00

[This happened yesterday nite when I was halfway editing the video (which Im preparing for submission). I left my room to get a drink, and my mum got into my room and saw my windows movie maker on the screen. Guess wad? She juz... damn]

Was really angry
And upset

Damn...

Wad the hell is wrong with...

Fuck u wont say a word of compliment tts fine. But don't fucking criticize me for wad I didn't do wrong.
No, it aint fine.
U aint kno nothing bout wad I do. U care hell bout how I do it.
Have u had enough?

Well I had enough...long tym ago.
I dun even kno how else I can argue with u.

For god sake u kno I've been workin on this thing for the past few days.
U kno I try not to let u kno wad im doin.
But I did tell u wad was it for.
U get me anot?
Dun get me wrong, im doin all I can to try for the chance. It's the best tt I can think of and the best tt I can do for now.
If u aint impressed or wad then juz shut up and observe.
Better stil, dun even watch me.

Wad the hell is wrong with u start scolding me after u saw wads on my laptop screen?
Cant u say anything else?
Damn it I was stil hoping to show u somehow after Im done with it and to let u see wassup with me.
I wanted u to show some appreciation and maybe some compliment for wad I love and wad Im doin.
I kno I sound damn kiddy. But hey, Im yer kid ryt?

U juz killed me.
Im was dead then. My heart's the only thing keeping me alive.
U deviate too much from how I tot u could have responded.
Wad the hell was tt for?
I bet u didn't kno yer words can hurt ppl so much.
U juz dun kno.

I dun get it.
I think Im the only one in the world. Having such problems everytym it comes to me dancing.
I never heard a word from my dancer frens bout their parents objecting dance (maybe they dun say...I dunno)
And it makes me feel so bad inside cuz my ma keep saying no to dance.

Do u kno how much I admire u there who can do wad u love without yer parent's objection?
Some of yall even have very supportive parent. Damn Im really jealous of yall man.

Shi wei u has a whole bunch of dancer frens and have parties now and then. Yer parents welcome them all!
Xian u can join all singing competition u wan and yer parents will always back u up and be proud of u!
And many more of u tt makes me feel like Im cursed or wad.

U say they will understand me someday. I really dunno bout tt.
And I wonder where yer confidence to say tt comes from.

When I think bout it I really feel damn fucked up.
Can somebody tell her how good I am?
Can somebody tell her how passionate I am?
FOR REAL!

...really

2008-03-24T17:02:00.002+08:00

aiya

UTAR ba.
if they wan me den i go ler.
heck care NTU.

tts better ba.
cuz til now i stil haven finish the vid & pay the app fee. lol
even if i did stil i dunno wads the chance tt i'll be in.

2008-03-20T15:24:00.002+08:00

Tagged... (double-tagged in fact)

Instructions: *Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post.
Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
*i'll change 2 since im double-tagged, ok?

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
30 maybe? or earlier? no idea.

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
hmmm... nope

3. If you were to be stranded on a desert island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
Jensen - Lamer. no need say why de la. buddy so long ler. his first aid may come in handy too (if he stil rmb em)
Xian - he sings. buddy buddy too.
Lohser - he'll do somthing. maybe attract some girls too. who knows? haha.
!!!buddddies united!!!

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
stage

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
dance to the next stage

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
when i was young.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
lose myself (by eminem) *im listening to it ryt now in CC!!

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
ringgit? try to make the world a better place... to dance.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
why not?

*10. Describe yer work experience (if u have any).
haha this qn is designed for me who no need to answer. sweeee.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
happy together

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
smokers.

13. What is your ambition?
dance is my life not my ambition. my ambition is to be a great & inspiring dancer.

14. If you have fault, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
juz tell me. whether i like it anot tts another thing.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
be someone u can be.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
nah. i dun shop. i buy things when i need to.

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
sianxian - short
jenjen - lame

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
Pessimism

19. Is there anything that u have done that make regret?
yes.

*20. wads yer favourite dance track?
alot. chris brown, justin timberlake got nice tracks. check'em out!

8 ppl??!! TTS HELLA LOT! lets try...
tag: wenhao, stanley, xian you, hui ting... wait can i double-tag someone? wee siang! i dunno who else to tag man.... tag yerself if u wanna...

2008-03-17T17:59:00.002+08:00

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ problem.

sianzzzzz

how ah?
i like dunno wad im feeling now.
damn fan2...

AAAAARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-03-01T14:58:00.002+08:00

OMG. i heard results coming out on friday. they say quite reliable one.
well i think shud be ard then oso...
scared?? dunno
scared the uni admission procedure ma fan...

DANCEWORKS! 08 is tml. NJ's gonna compete there and then. man... cant wait for the day to come!

to Danceworks ppl:
Gambate WD! the two teams! Do yer best no matter what happen!
Like our ex-president said, never ever quit!
Push it to the end and yall will get the reward for yer effort.
Have faith, always. Believe in yerselves, believe in yer teammates, believe in everyone.
We will be watching yall from the crowd while yer shinning on the stage.
Keep the light high, burn it bright. Make everyone cheer for yall.
Show everyone yer love for dance. Show them everything u've got!
Fill yerselves with the passion which will bring yall as far as yall can.

The efforts tt yall put into all yer practices, yer passion for dance & yer spirit will be reflected on the stage tml.
So do yer best!
We're always supporting yall. We always have faith in yall. We wanna see yall rise & be proud of yall.

Make tt happen

2008-02-24T14:46:00.000+08:00

Blogged on 17 Feb:

TV3 showed the movie HONEY juz now.
Inspirational. Tho in real life this is really one in a million.

Things learned from the movie
1. learn fast
2. confidence but not arrogant
3. self-motivation
4. have faith
5. & probably dun argue with mom so much.

Pray hard tt I’ll get a chance like tt.

2008-02-11T17:15:00.000+08:00

Cool!

Feel the satisfaction after coping moves from mtvs & concert videos. Damn swee.
One down from JT. Another soon from CB.

Prac by myself doesn’t help me to improve very much I realize…
Have been wanting to learn other ppl’s choreo… but unfortunately haven’t been able to meet any good dancers who’re kinda enuf to choreo & teach me here in Ipoh.

Which is why Im coping from videos. Another form of learning.
To observe. To absorb. To mimic.

…without a mirror. ggrrrr

The camera’s irritating.
It didn’t help much cuz it eats loads of energy & it juz aint worth it to charge those bats overnite and use it for a while, and then u’ll need to charge it again.

Nvm. I shall take my chance & learn some moves from WD when I go baq soon.

Oh ya, I wonder when’s result release… I got a dunno-reliable-anot source tt say its on 15 feb.
If tts true…damn! I think there;ll be problems getting ticket to Sg…

Hope its not so soon.
But I anticipate it.

AARRRRR this is torturous!

OH YA! Got one important thang forgot to say…
Attention to all WESTERN DANCERS!!!
If you have any western dance videos PLEASE send me!!! PLEASEEEE!!!
Or somehow pass me a copy when I visit yall.
Thanks loads in advance!!!!

_______________________________________

CNY over ler

…very fast de

It aint bout hong bao anymore
It aint bout eating nian gao
It aint bout playing fireworks

I think bout it

I ask
Den what is it bout?

Try askin yerself

2008-02-01T17:27:00.000+08:00

Ayt.
Damn its February alr. Results gonna release soon.

Scared.

Actually Im looking forward to it, cuz Im planning to meet up with my old frens & teachers.

Btw, Im now choreographing an item for a competition! I'll post video soon. youtube friendster or facebook.

2008-01-28T15:47:00.000+08:00

Wad was I thinking?
How shud I say this?
Reminiscing bout the past few years.
Everything seems like yesterday.
Do u stil remember the moments we used to share tgt?
I hope I’ll never forget.
I really miss u guys.
Tho I seldom talk or join yall in the things yall do, Im really glad tt yall are ard cuz yall cheer me up. I enjoy juz being ard. Even tho sometimes yall talk bout things I dunno.
Sometimes its tough, but I couldn’t wish for any better. I couldn’t change the past. Its all in the memories.

Wads the use of reminiscing?

Will we move on tgt?

How do I feel when I see the confidence of my frens who are aiming for something so good?
Why cant I have tt too?
I feel so left out. I wish I can keep up with them. I dun wanna move on alone.

I...

…

I guess I got too much things in my mind now. Too much to write.
I guess I’ll juz keep them to myself...

Move on ba. gambateh

oh ya! forgot to mention I got my L license!

2008-01-18T16:55:00.000+08:00

Hmmm… new year resolution eh?
Never really think bout it…

Alryt, lets see wad do I have here…

1. train my flexibility. I wanna train to do a split
2. achievements in dance. like top 3 in competition or perform for some big events
3. learn popping & locking. Seriously
4. get into a good uni. preferably in Sg.
5. since jen’s goal is to do 20, den I shall do 30 one handed push-ups
6. no pimples
7. learn halo & jackhammer
8. familiarize myself with the area ard me so tt I can drive ard

man… its tough to think bout 10 goals…

hmmm… ok I got it.

9. know more female frens (cuz Im really lousy when it comes to socializing…)

and laz but not least

10. watch Aristal (I really want to!!!)

yay! I finally got my new year resolutions…days b4 my bdae…
well tokin bout bdae I know lotsa January babies. Lets say Happy Birthday to them!
Wenhao, yi jie, jie xun, zi liang, jia wei, yong jie.

Ok tts not a lot but they are the ones which I rmb which day exactly is their bdae. Their bdaes are v close to mine so I rmb. And I aint cheating! No friendster no facebook not even handphone calendar.
With friendster facebook I can find even more…
____________________________________________________________________________________

Erm. Im writing in a different mood so I put a divider there…

Ok Im getting worried bout a problem…
I’ve been thinking to go to UTAR…
But if I can get scholarship to continue in Sg…(to be specific, Asean scholarship…)
Den wad shud I study there???
There’s no graphic design in NUS NTU SMU!!!!
I think Asean only allow me to go to these uni… O.o
Best case scenario is to get a scholarship & study dance @ NAFA or Lasalle la. But if cannot den I dunno choose wad to study ler…

suggestions????

2008-01-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

I hate to say this but sometimes I really hate u.
I dun understand why cant u understand me.
Why is yer definition of ‘dance’ so damn limited? It really irritates me everytime I argue with u bout this.
Do u have something against dance?
Or is it me tt u have something against?
When u look at other ppl dance on tv yer impressed, sayin things like its good to be able to dance like them. But when I say I wanna pursue dance u pour dog’s blood on my head.
Did I do something wrong?
What is it so bad bout dance?
Why cant u juz listen to me… & understand me?
Everytime I wanna seriously discuss the matter with u, u give me tt black face tt I dun even wanna look at.
It pisses me off everytime I talk bout it with u.
Can u even calm down & listen to me? Cant u try to understand me? Can u at least try?
What really pulls the trigger is tt u even insulted dance.
I really hate tt.
Yer reason doesn’t make sense. The way u think is damn wrong. Damn.
Why do u always have to relate dance with gangsters, smokers, criminals & all those damned ppl?
Why do u always talk bout dance like it’s a crime, a taboo, a devilish act?
Is dance so evil to u?
I’ve seen parents who are very supportive of their children. Whether its dance, sing, perform… as long as they are doin things tt they like to do.
Im really jealous of them.
Cant u be a lil like tt?
It makes me sad when I try to complaint to my other dancer friends bout u but they can hardly understand how I feel cuz they dun face this kinda situation at all.
U have no idea how I feel when I hear applause from the audience, when I receive compliments bout my talent, when I know tt there’s ppl who like my style & have hope in me. U’ll only come into the picture & turn everything upside down.
“what would u do to achieve yer dreams?”
I could juz heck care bout u and go after my dreams! If it wasn’t u
I rmb after Im in WD, I called and told u bout it. I was happy, but I wonder why u were so angry and were screamin into the phone. I juz dun get u.
U really pissed me off when u try to get me out of dance.
U completely dun understand me!
U are damn wrong bout dance!
and u really make me hate u for tt!

How I wish someone to tell u clearly HOW WRONG U ARE bout DANCE & bout ME!

2008-01-13T15:55:00.000+08:00

It’s been a long tym since my last post…
I seldom blog cuz I take damn long to make a single post…

Updates:
1. stil waiting for A lvl results
2. learning driving. getting my L license soon
3. damn bored cuz stay at home only eat & play. I aint working yet
4. so im looking for a job now
5. rusting a lot. dun call me a bboy for now

on tue, luo jun wee siang & fergen came to Ipoh. So we all stayed at jen’s house for the past 2 nites (for me its 3) & we had lotsa fun. xian yong & simpson also joined us on the laz day @ jusco.

I aint good at describing so I’ll only write bout the highlights.
1. played truth (not truth or dare). Heard some cool ‘secrets’ from each other…(ryt, lohser?)
2. went to Sam Poh Tong and fed tortoises…
3. THE ‘changeable lizard’ we saw in the museum…
4. xian yong’s ‘STUPID’ shirt…
5. pretty girls dispute btw ws & luo jun…xD

thanks to u guys, I got revived from my lifeless life at home!
I’ll get the photos from yall & post them in facebook & friendster. Swee.

Now back my life….

Im getting more emo alr. In ma mind, im thinking: man, all my buddies are having great plans ahead! All aiming to study in Sg, or even futhur… what bout me?

???????????????????????????

I wonder am I making the right choice… I wonder do I HAVE a choice…
Am I too pessimistic? How are yall so confident?
How I wish I could study in Sg like u guys! NJ, esplanade, MAD, Cineleisure, KAP… man I miss all of them…

How will the life with UTAR be like?? wait, I aint even sure whether they will take me in yet…

…

I guess I have too much fear. Fear to live like how I did for the laz 2 year. No, the laz 1 year & 9 months. So wasted. really. how severe has it wounded my life? and me? I wonder…
Emptiness… I hate it.

Ppl keep askin me to find a more serious thing to do & leave dance as a hobby.
I love to dance. And I dun want it to be juz a hobby. I want it to be more. I want it to be a larger part of me. Can I? not only bboying…I wanna the a better dancer. a more versatile dancer. Can I?

…

Im not crazy Im juz a lil unwell
I kno ryt now u cant tell…

What can u tell me?

2007-12-06T02:47:00.000+08:00

both NJ & TJ proms are over now.
feel damn emo.
i guess we'll be goin separate paths from here.
i will miss you all.
every single moment tt made up my 2 yrs of JC...i will never forget.

special dedication to:
All the tutors - thanks for all yer effort despite my attitude
NJC OG 22
NJC 06S02 [PAE]
NJC Western Dance - thanks for makin me a dancer
TJC 04/06 - thanks for cheerin up my life in TJ
TJC Modern Dance Club
Purify - thanks for givin me cool dancers to look up to
Critical Beats - thanks for spendin tym practisin tgt
and all the people I've met in this 2 yrs.

i've been complainin lots bout TJ.
but no matter wad, its stil where the one and a half yr of my memories took place.
cant regret.
no regrets.

i hope i did left some footprints in yer lives.
u who been with me.
u who i've met.

we'll move on, hopefully.

one day when i look baq, i know i'll emo like this again.
cuz i'll miss yall.

2007-08-12T19:01:00.001+08:00

MIA for very long. ppl start to miss me alr. lol

a lot of things happened while i aint ard. a lot. really.

my laz post was on wad again? lemme see... ok. ya reverie.
*so, reverie was a success. if u were there, u kno how diao i am when the choreographers are called onstage. swee!

*Aristal II was damn zai as well. but there's one part where we kinda screwed up...n it was damn obvious n unglam. we're all pretty disappointed, but the show stil goes on. many ppl say its better than laz yr's aristal... ya, so overall stil a great show.

*den comes the streetfest where NJWD performed 3 items over n over again over the few days. great improvement from laz yr's streetfest i think. i love all of them! we'll see the hiphop item again in Asean Dance! Swee!

*marking the end of the streetfest we have Sg BOTY, where RF got champion (as usual) n Felix got the best bboy. but from wad i see it was a close battle...both crews are great (in Sg). didnt cypher with the bboys there after the event, but my frens did. haha.

*now JCT (aka june common test, only stupid TJ has this special name for their ct, they say it rhymes with TJC...wth...). erm... ya, JCT... so... err... nvm, u kno wad happens. SKIP

*good thing i survived! i passed the CR. no need to balik kampung *yet*! but stil... results very lousy, barely passed my subjects. good game. start countin down to prelims & A's ba...
now the damn tj counseller are seeing me now. damn sian. waste my tym & energy to entertain her.... cao.

*we had a BBQ party at ShiWei's place on 14/07, mainly to serve as an early farewell party for 2 of the PURIFY's members. One goin USA and the other goin Canada. These are the talented ppl in PURIFY!! gonna miss them when they're gone... we had got nice food for the party!!! really nice! love it! we stayed till quite late, ard 11+, until ShiWei start to tell all the eerie ghost story... oh ya, halfway thru the ghost story the light suddenly auto turnoff! we're all freak out... lol.... damn zai....damn suit the mood.

*popculture!!!! damn... top prize 13k! i tot i counld join but...haiz...only for Sgrean n PRs. im out. but anyway i had lotsa fun practisin with PURIFY! go youtube search for "hui yan flips". u'll be wad we do when we prac. lol...
PURIFY turn out to be the 1st runner up of Popculture Movin' Nation dance competition. juz abit more n they could've clenched the champion & the 13k. but stil the prize is damn good.... i'll be lookin forward to join PURIFY again soon. juz wait n see!

*23/07. this is the day that my old best fren in my pri sch fly off to USA. it was pretty sudden. i didnt kno tt until like 1 or 2 weeks b4 he's leavin. the sad thing is, he probably wont come baq msia anymore. tts wad he says.
im gonna miss u. we all are goin to. all the old pals who used to be very good fren of yours. lets hope u all the best when u start yer life there. dun forget us! we'll stil lookin forward to the day tt we'll meet again...

*27/07. OMG. i feel old. today, is my sec sch SJAB pass out parade. this batch tts becomin the NCO used to be under my command when i was NCO baq den... i was their DPC. damn... in juz a blink of an eye, 2 yrs have passed. im now lookin at your pass out parade! i stil rmb how small & 'raw' u guys are when we first met. seeing yall grow up, n now yall are goin to take the responsibility to lead the juniors. time flies... im glad tt most of u stil rmb me! all the best for the year ahead ok!

*02/08. Happy Birthday mom! i guess mom alr knows wad im gonna say...n i kno wad mom gonna say to me too... no need to publicize here i guess.

* u can see me ard in esplanade now almost every sat nite! im glad tt i've finally start to blend into the bboy society here. yes, finally. after all the years of e-boyin... n i met lotsa new frens!!!!! really alot! bboys are cool! i knew some pretty young bboys at the sec sch Asean Dance, n now we're practisin tgt every sat. i get to kno a newbie from my hostel too! but he got strong balance n he's a fast learner... im gonna be a good sensei if he got his mills down soon! SWEEE!!!

a few more weeks to prelims. how many? dun ask me. i dun wanna kno.
have been tryin to mug, but doesnt seem to be effective n fruitful... gg ah!!!!
c'mon! who can study properly when the hostel is surrounded (yes, completely surrounded) by construction work..... all the noise + air pollution is enough to drive u mad! plus the hot whether in the afternoon, u cant expect anythin worse. sigh...

recently i juz watched a mv on youtube called "Negarakuku". its a creative piece of work done by our malaysian friend who is a chinese. it aint racist stuff i guarantee u. ppl comment it as "thr truth of Msia". go n watch it if u haven done so, especially if yer a malaysian as well. but pls take it with an open mind. its juz an artistic expression of wad the author wanna say.

well tts all im gonna say for now. i might have missed out somethin but i shudnt be spendin too much tym bloggin now... so, nex tym...

2007-05-02T19:28:00.000+08:00

TUE 01/05
Oh its May ler… less than one month to Reverie III… haiya can one la. Juz pia 3 weeks can ler.

Today actually suppose to go funan buy earphone with luo jun but kena pangseh cuz he wanna accompany his gf… ok lor… zhong se qing you… haha jkjk. Its fine with me… cuz…

I met tarng tarng practisin with the juniors in esplanade underground….then I juz join them for the rest of the day…
hmmm…for some reason I think Jia Teng is similar to another fren of mine, Kelvin…but nvm…
Then we met PURIFY ppl oso when we had our lunch… haha. super cool. its like all the dancers meet up so coincidently….bu yue er tong! Haha…

Ah sian….5 hrs of gp tml…

MON 30/04
Today got halfday…track & fied meet…. Whatever..
Watched some cheerleadin performances… looks pretty fun. And hot too. I mean the weather la.
Hmmm… if I joined my house for the cheerleadin thing we sure can win one… hahahhahaha….
Then is all the sian stuff… juz see ppl run here run there…till 6pm.

Wah so wasted….the whole afternoon…T_T
Anw tml is holiday. Can slack. haha

SAT 28/04
PURIFY IS IMBA as usual…
Prac with them this morning. Learnt some cool sharp moves from them…haha.

Den’s (isit Den or Dan??) prac was damn fun…
He teaches contemp.
He’s the choreographer for NJIP SYF item this year.
He’s damn pro la….teach us to fly here fly there…yea but we can only jump jump, cant fly so nice like him…
At least we are taught cool moves here… better than keep practisin the basic jump kick spin roll in TJ… more fun oso.

NJ is a nice place to dance.

TUE 24/04
Rarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..
Everybody starts selling concert ticket ler while im stil laggin…
I think I shud start spreadin the msg around ler ba…

TJ Modern Dance concert Reverie III
31 May 8pm
NUS UCC
Ticket price @ 12 & 15
(no discount available…haha. no money to treat ppl)

And this one u die die muz come:
Aristal II [NJC combined dance concert, featuring Chinese Dance, Malay Dance, Indian Dance, & Western Dance]
26 May [sat]
Ngee Ann Poly (forgot the exact venue)
Ticket price @ 12 & 15
COME!!! Guaranteed satisfaction!

MON 23/04
This is great…
NJC HARMOC GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS!

SUN 22/04
Eh…
So sad… kena pangseh by Daniel…so end up with a boring Sunday…
But its ok one la…used to it alr.

Its been so long since I came here… but I stil refuse to blend with ppl here in dunman… I only know the dancers here + a few tat I only kno the names…
Thinking baq…daniel was the only one that I approach to make fren with…haha… im sooo pathetic…
No wonder my life here sooo sian…

But I’ll dance my way out. Anyone wanna join me?

SAT 21/04
Oh my god… another laz minute performance. Haha
Performed at Bukit Panjang CC tgt with mc phoebe & jiayi. Only had 2 days prac tgt…den we go n perform….whoa…
Im fine…but I guess we screwed up abit here n there… complainin bout this n tat as soon as we’re done wif the performance…haha
Not bad la. At least we got paid for this. The pathetic 20 dollars (for the whole team, not for each person)… T_T n some CIP hours…

Only lacks the experience & confidence. Once we have tat, everything will go great.
Therefore
always seek for chance to perform
believe tat u can be the best

Then be the best.

2007-04-22T19:46:00.000+08:00

internet here has been very lousy...damn...

FRI 20/04
Time passes by so quickly…its mid april alr…

Went baq NJ today. Miss NJ a lot since I never go baq for very long time ler…
Was with the juniors most of the time. Something new this time. Saw lotsa new stuff in their item. Very nice leh! One more month to Aristal…muz enthu enthu now ler! GO GO!!!

Oe was choreoing for the streetfest, came out with some nice cool stuff. I think I shud join their streetfest oso… haha…

Sorry… I have been arrogant…thinking I was special…thinking I was the best…thinking I was correct all the times… im sorry. I wanna be part of yall…

Today the harmoc is practisin for SYF on Monday. The music there is very nice… hope they’ll get baq gold with honours for NJ!

N its been a long tym since the laz tym I saw her. Now I finally see her! Stil kawaii, enthu enthu one… but without specs its hard to spot her….
Didn’t do anything bout it…dun think I’ll do anything bout it.

I need to grow up. Im stil a kid…

TUE 17/04
Went esplanade to prac for our performance this sat.
Long time never see phoebe & jiayi, especially jiayi. Finally met them now… haha
Had lotsa fun tryin cheerleadin + some stuns…
Play play slack slack abit until 9+…

Saw lotsa bboy there too. Gregg was there…he stil damn power…
airbaby-->handstand-->airchair… wad de…
if my wrist got better, I’d try my flares & mills too.

Ok. Now some serious stuff.
TJC Modern Dance Concert REVERIE III
Date: 31 May 2007
Time: 7pm (if I aint wrong…)
Venue: NUS UCC
Ticket price: $12 & $15.

Contact me if yer interested. If u cant contact me, TAG…
Show some support pls!
Thank you.

SUN 15/04
Argh… today damn sian…feel like Im wastin tym here doin nothing.
I mean, c’mon! it’s a Sunday ya kno, it shudnt be so sian…

Slept a lot today…damn bored.

…waitin for my fren to burn bleach for me…
…lookin for tsubasa chronicle too. Ppl say its damn cool… I read abit if it b4, very nice…

…stil cant balance whole body on ma left wrist.
…damn…

There’s quite some kawaii ppl ard me. Well, at least I think so.
…Nvm, juz being random...

2007-04-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

FRI 13/04
C for PW.

RARRRR. i dun really care actually. its over anyway. as long as i dun fail...
i think i shud feel sad bout it. seeing other ppl gettin B, yet they look like they're gonna cry. if they see me so 'wu2 qing2' i think they'll feel worse...

goin to HC for prac. bboy prac.
shit my wrist stil haven fully recover.
cant mill cant turtle cant flare cant try jackhammer & head hollow...
try headspin too, when i recovered...

argh. stil haven choreo for the startin for the hip hop item for TJ concert... n tml's the practice...
haha. juz chiong tonite, like how i always do it. muahaha....

2007-04-13T16:01:00.000+08:00

WED 11/04
12:39 – listening to radio again – song being played now = untitled by simple plan.

Hate my roommate. HATE HIM! He’s a damn piece of shit! He’s a junk. selfish. useless. yet he lives. He thinks he can damn sing n doesn’t kno how to shut the **** up. I would’ve killed him if there aint law. DAMN!

Ah. Could’ve done better for chem test today if I was granted more tym. I’ll be getting something like 14/22?? Argh sianz…

Im sad. Man I mean, wad kinda dancer am I when I don’t even have the look of a dancer?? Im cool, man. But when I open my wardrobe, its full of nothing but simple old clothes…. Sigh… I wanna get something cool for myself at least.
Get something cool = spend $$
I kno its luxury…I shudn’t even think bout it at all…but I wanted it so much…
wad shud I do?

Oh ya, TJ Modern Dance Club concert is comin soon.
Reverie III, 31 May, NUS UCC. Ticket price @ 12 & 15.
interested pls contact me. Fyi, I’ll be doin 2 items for the concert only, out of total of 10+ items being presented.

ARISTAL II is coming also!!! It is the combined concert put up by the 4 dance groups of NJC: Chinese, Malay, Indian & WESTERN Dance!!! It’ll be awesome! Don’t miss this chance (to see me perform!)!!! It’s in May too! I’ll update the details once confirmed.

TUE 10/04
Stil listenin to radio at 1:03 am… cant get to sleep…

Feels like something missing… in my life? I dunno.
(987 is playin ‘I need a girl’ by p.diddy…)…ermm…. A girl??

Stress comes n goes every now n den. I dun like it. All the test & homeworks are makin me sick… argh…

Feel like spending money to buy cool shirts & pants… as a dancer, not havin any cool shirt makes me feel damn zi bei. My other frens can pose better than I do….( in fact I never pose…) But stil the cool stuffs are always so exxxx…. If my birthday isn’t over, I’ll ask someone to buy for me. Too bad its over…

I want my digital camera baq!!!!

My wrist hasn’t recovered yet…. Today I think I juz made it abit worse when I try to catch myself when attemptin headspin….baka….

Dun like being dao…

I dun think there’s any chance left for me. But I’ll juz try 2 more times. Juz 2…maybe 3… if I survive till then…

SUN 08/04
Wah sian neh… the dunman wireless suddenly disappear for so long. Cant go online anytime I want. Sianz.
Means cant darkthrone everyday ler…oh no…

Anyway, PURIFY WON DANCEWORKS FINAL!!!! CHAMPION = PURIFY!!
Oh my god. I remember I was shoutin & screamin like mad in UCC. Man they are imba no matter wad.
So, the results for danceworks are: 1st Purify, 2nd Zesture, 3rd Temasek Poly’s team (sorry forgot the name), 4th Collision Force. I realize TP’s team is really strong. I wonder why they never get 2nd, cuz I really expect them to be 2nd…
So far cant find their videos on youtube….

Lohser u baka… tell me this kinda secret, I scared I’ll say it out accidentally leh…. Hahaz. Better be careful. Muz die die keep promise & keep his secret. He never tell me in detail…I wonder how he did tat…

Ah… tryin to come out with some bboy routines… so far got a toprock one n a downrock routine, stil tryin to polish them.
Damn I wanna learn headspin…saw a guy doin headspin on stage in danceworks…
I wanna interact with more bboys!!! Especially the pro ones…. I wanna improve! I wanna be better!

Have been thinking bout impossible things… guess I should let go ler ba…
what’s the use of juz thinking n expect everythin to be like how I wan it to be? I said I’ll do something bout it but I never. I never even met u this year. I juz dunno wad shud I do…
u muz be thinking tat im an idiot.

sorry.

2007-04-09T15:50:00.000+08:00

MON 09/04
wad the heck... wad a sian day...
i gone mad during pe cursin the stupid pe teacher. CURSE HIM!!!

wacao, tamade! damn tat teacher! i juz fell asleep awhile durin gp lesson while watchin the movie den she ask me to write a 2 page long damn summary for her by tml. TAMADE!! it's not like im the only one who fell asleep in class lor. i saw other ppl lying on table n sleep somemore! u dun catch them u catch me. baka... if not bcoz of tat i wont be online now searchin for the summary & movie review. damn....
btw, im not good at watchin movie. tats why i rarely watch movie with frens.

go baq hostel sure damn sian. stupid summary + chem test on wed.... :'

AH SIANZ.... TJ SUX!!!!!

2007-04-09T15:48:00.000+08:00

SUN 08/04
Wah sian neh… the dunman wireless suddenly disappear for so long. Cant go online anytime I want. Sianz.
Means cant darkthrone everyday ler…oh no…

Anyway, PURIFY WON DANCEWORKS FINAL!!!! CHAMPION = PURIFY!!
Oh my god. I remember I was shoutin & screamin like mad in UCC. Man they are imba no matter wad.
So, the results for danceworks are: 1st Purify, 2nd Zesture, 3rd Temasek Poly’s team (sorry forgot the name), 4th Collision Force. I realize TP’s team is really strong. I wonder why they never get 2nd, cuz I really expect them to be 2nd…
So far cant find their videos on youtube….

Lohser u baka… tell me this kinda secret, I scared I’ll say it out accidentally leh…. Hahaz. Better be careful. Muz die die keep promise & keep his secret. He never tell me in detail…I wonder how he did tat…

Ah… tryin to come out with some bboy routines… so far got a toprock one n a downrock routine, stil tryin to polish them.
Damn I wanna learn headspin…saw a guy doin headspin on stage in danceworks…
I wanna interact with more bboys!!! Especially the pro ones…. I wanna improve! I wanna be better!

Have been thinking bout something impossible… guess I should let go ler ba…
what’s the use of juz thinking n expect everythin to be like how I wan it to be? I said I’ll do something bout it but I never. I never even met u this year. I juz dunno wad shud I do…
u muz be thinking tat im an idiot.

sorry.

2007-04-01T21:44:00.000+08:00

SUN 01/04
this evening abit emo...cuz its sunday. its homework day...thinkin bout tat makes me feel damn sianz...
plus i feel abit sick today...ma nose is runnin...
RARRRRRRRRRRRR....

3 tests comin this week. Argh..can die one leh...
somebody save me!

injured my wrist! my wrist! yesterday while interactin wif some bboys from ACSI. damn. cant do any moves usin my left wrist now....damn....
they are quite good. better than me i think. haha. gotta practise to improve man....
and the MGS dance competition was like...erm... heck care. juz anyhow do anything on stage
"juz get over with it man, i need to go home!"
i left str8 after our performance...haha

i didnt realise today is april fool. did anyone fooled me today??

shit...i stil haven finish ma hw...
chiong first!
ends here today

2007-04-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

THUR 08/03
CR is scary, but danceworks is more important now.
“we’re talking bout practice every day, even in the weekends!” quote from YOU GOT SERVED
Haha, ya, we need to practice every single day from now on cuz danceworks is only a few days away…

Nervous nervous…

I need to hand up an AQ n study for econs but guess wad? Im partying in NJ instead…
NJ is havin their year 1 dance party, so I juz go n join them for fun… n of cos their dance party is much better than the one in TJ. N this shall always be true…hahha…

NJ ROX!!!

SAT 10/03
Practice in the morning. after that slack for 2 hrs in sch till 2+, 3…. Doesn’t sound like we’re competin tml ryt? Haha

Discussed bout the probability that we get into finals. Hehe, looks like we can use maths to solve this…
Argh, juz do our best la. Everything will go the way it shud tml.

Hope that we have lotsa supporters… maybe we can at least win the most supported team….haha
I hope my frens come n see me too…I spent lotsa sms ya kno…
So pls come n SUPPORT US!
I’m looking forward to see you among the crowd…

STOMP THE YARD!!!! Im gonna watch that, no matter what. I wanna buy it for my collection!!!!

SUN 11/03
Danceworks 2007.
Champion of the day: Purify

Our team Xfresh didn’t manage to get into the finals. But at least we won something: the most supported team award. Purify is our seniors’ team. Altho we didn’t win, we stil feel proud that our seniors made it into the finals…very very proud of them.

This year round the competition is much fiercer than last year, cuz they only choose 4 out of 32 teams.

We’ve been observin the other teams since the morning. From what we observed, we kno our chance to win isn’t slim at all. we see n we can we stil have the chance to win… haha

Most teams are doin bout the same things…but when I saw Shiwei’s team (Purify) goes on stage, I kno that they will get into the finals. It’s obviously the outstandin one among all. and they have the best dancers from NJ: Shiwei, Adi, Dismas, Grace, Crystal, Stephanie, tgt with some real good dancers from HC, and they have a bboy in their team too! Its like the all-star team, man… im not being bias but their item is really damn good, they have creativity, technique, coordination, … man they are the bomb! They have the impact, they cause the DAMAGE!!! They’re juz so damn good n I really admire them a lot.
They’re the best man… they WILL be the champion this year. Believe me.

Looks like we got a lot to do to catch up with the seniors…haha

Our item wasn’t the fantastic kind that can make the audience cheer for us. We dun have the effects that make the audience feel like WOAH THAT’S DAMN COOL! kinda thing. We all kno that our choreography wasn’t the damn good one that we can win bcoz of it. Other factors gave to come in for us to win…so that means we aint good enuf….
From the feedbaqs that we got from our frens, we kinda find out the reasons why we didn’t make it… main reason is written above, that our choreography wasn’t standin out…second reason is we have ppl with different styles in the team, makin the dance look messy…
ya, I kno its me…

Anyway, we kno that we all had put in all our effort & we put in our best for the competition, so there’s nothing we can regret about. We had fun, we enjoyed it, we did our best, and we did it TOGETHER AS A TEAM, that’s the most important part of it!!!

Sigh…but it doesn’t feel good to see so few frens comin to support me. Somemore hearin things like FORGET to come.
C’mon this aint got anything to do with schoolwork so dun use FORGET on me at this kinda situation! That really piss me. At least give me a fake reason or juz tell me u didn’t make it there, I’ll feel better that way…

I dun like this kinda empty promises, especially when u kno I expect them to be kept. And this goes to my dear choreographer too. I respect u, but can u show some respect to us too?

I wanna end this blog happily.
Congrats seniors! Y’all are the best! Make sure y’all get the champion k! I’m anticipatin!
Xfresh, we did well! Even tho we didn’t make it to the finals with our seniors, we did it together as a team! Its our effort & its our best! The seniors are very proud of us too!!

Man I gotta get the video soon n post it up here to let everyone see how we did, n how our seniors owned.
Coming soon…

MON 12/03
The first thing in the morning when I woke up…I felt sad.
The fact that we didn’t get into finals in danceworks makes me feel upset…I think my other teammates are feeling the same thing too… cuz I kno we put in a lot of effort into it, cuz I kno we all went full out on the stage yesterday, cuz I kno that we all are hoping so much to get into the finals…
I was rather disappointed too… I was thinking to help WD to win baq what we lost last year…but actually its ok cuz the seniors had done it! we’re talking bout pride over here, man. They lost it last year, but this year they come baq for ‘revenge’ n fight all the way into the finals. Man, that’s the cool thing bout our seniors! And that’s why I admire them so much…

SAT 24/03
Argh… I have been MIA for quite a long tym….

HAHA…today’s a happy day! Mr Ho invited all danceworkers to his house to eat pizza! Haha… very happy to be together with all the dancers…
played the STONING game & I NEVER. Haha. Damn farny…wen hao & Stanley combo always the best….

I enjoy all the time spent with the NJ dancers… I wanna always a part of them….

MON 26/03
Haiz. Dunno why today I so emo… muz be the sucky laz nite + damn bad morning + lousy afternoon.
Was pia’ing my physics hol assign yesterday nite. Man I juz cant dun hate physics….

The damn morning… DAMN MY DUMB PRC ROOMMATE! HE SUCKS! Ya kno wad he did tat piss me off? He hang his underwear in the middle of the room, den when I wake up in the morning, IT HIT ME!!! WTF?!

Afternoon sucks too… cuz of a TAMADE TA gal cut my q. and she thinks its ok n pretend like nuthin happened, when I was STARIN at her, givin her a “HEY F*** OFF” face. Oh man I feel like BURNing her to death. I should’ve tripped her when she walks past. DAMN

Went baq NJ to prac with wen loong.

Ah sianz… stil never see her around…nan dao we no more yuan fen ler? ARGH…. T_T
Dun even see her….wad can I do? Should I do something bout it?

Or juz let it be?

2007-03-09T21:04:00.000+08:00

TUE 06/03
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELVIN!
Yea, his bdae is one of the few that I can rmb best…
All the best k!

Life has to be this way isn’t it?

1 year in TJ…

I guess I didn’t grow up much. Stil havin that immature kinda thoughts in ma mind.
Things that I cant understand. No, things that Im not willing to understand…they juz show that I never grow up at all. I always thought im mature since I mix around with ppl older than me, but no. because of my immature n stupid thoughts I can be a huge burden to myself n the ppl around me. I thought as long as I dun mind, everythin will be ok. That’s selfish. I was juz being inconsiderate by thinking lidat…

Im makin a choice here. No, not choice cuz I dun have a choice. Im makin a decision. A painful one. I need to let go of my heck care attitude towards study, really concentrate to do well, at least for the nex term… Some of u out there might know why…
I have to let down of dance, which im really reluctant to. I never wanna put dance aside. But for this time round, I have to.

People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. One must present something of equal value in order to gain something. This is the principle of Equivalent trade.

Life...

This kinda things are goin to happen anyway, I’ll face this kinda situation again in the future anyway… sacrificing things u like for things that u dun but u have to….I have to understand my situation. I have to do it…
I have to grow up. I gotta stop being stubborn n stop worryin ppl around me…

Gomenasai. Its my mistake.

WED 07/03
After yesterday afternoon, my mind is full of random messy thoughts. I feel scared. I was petrified. I found myself askin ‘what should I do’ over n over again… I had a mixture of feelings…I was juz……guilty…sorry…empty…helpless…depressed…panic…I dunno…

Stress…

I guess this is wad causin them. Knowin the reality so suddenly created a huge impact on me. It caught me in a state of panic…I cant think properly… I guess I cant take it this way. Im weak……

I first priority is studies. But dance is something I wont let go... I came out with a plan: I’ll spent my free spare time concentratin, studyin for the things taught, n let myself do wadever moves I want to when im not studying. So basically u’ll only see me studying or poppin or toprockin like a mad man.
My main aim is to score for my lecture test cuz that’s wad they’ll be lookin at.
I guess I’ll stil go insane. Juz watch.

Gotta get rid of this kinda feelin…danceworks is comin n I cant let this kinda depressin shit affect my performance…its not mine alone, it’s the whole team. I cant let the team down…

I wish a have a girlfren. Actually a best fren is enuf…as long as he or she understands me… cuz at times like this, I juz feel like talking to someone n spit everythin out. Maybe I’ll feel better that way.
Will you be my listener?

2007-03-05T21:01:00.000+08:00

THURS 01/03
Abit blur today… no practice today but I went all the way baq to NJ. They actually went to buy the white long sleeve at Plaza Sing… so I went there too, since I’ll pass thru there b4 I reach hostel anw…

Long John stil taste as good.

on the bus 14 baq to dunman, I met Daryl…same old Daryl from 4P’05. long time to see Daryl!! He’s in lion dance now…sounds lke he’s havin lotsa fun…
hey Daryl, I’ll visit u sometime later ok? Its been 1+ yr n I never go to yer house b4 (which is only 3 stops from my hostel…)

Argh… need to study for chem test tml!!!!! Sianz… hope I dun fail…
Damn tat CR…

Ps: To all NJCians, good luck & all the best for yer GP test tml!!!! GAMBATE!!!

FRI 02/03
A lvl results coming out.
So tats why im seeing so many strangers in TJ in the morning…

Heard that this yr our seniors did very well… die, this means pressure to us…
Heck care la… juz do my best…

Went to HC for bboy self prac…n over there I heard that the top scorer got 10 A’s…
Wait…
10 A’s????!!!!
Where the freaking hell does the 10 come from?!?!

Ah… hwa chong will juz be as imba as before. But maybe not after this yr…cuz got IP… hahahahahaha

So…baq to practice.
Man I gotta buy a knee pad for myself. I wanna try knee spin in lotus position. Muahahaha….
I like to do variation…

Oh I miss st john training again. Damn.

SAT 03/03
Tension in WD? But I dun see any problems there…but since they’re discussing bout it…
Im scared that im the one causin it…
I hope things will sort out soon…

Yea, actually I think we shud really do something tgt. I love the good old days when we juz joined WD n practice under Shiwei. I miss it…

Never forget that even though we’re not tgt, we’re all stil good frens & we will all dance with the passion tgt.

Went HC to watch their talentime. Man, they got damn lotsa sponsors la!!! Mediacorp, music clinic…dunno wad dunno wad… haiz. So rich ler stil need ppl sponsor…
The quality of the talentime? Ok ba. But not very very good… the contestants will be marked down a lot if I were the judge becoz they lack stage presence... quite disappointin…
But stil worth it la, at least they invited Diya to come n perform… n the other guest performers (I forgot wads their names) they r good. Really good.

Not lucky enuf to grab the ipod. Rarrrr…

SUN 04/03
Argh… dunman high hostel so sian… dunno wad im gonna do here on Sunday…

But in the end found abit thing to do la…watch death note (not the movie, juz the comic series) with Daniel since he hasn’t watch death note b4… haha. Guess he cant take all the words with no actions…he fell asleep halfway. -.-“. I took down the photo when he’s sleepin… HahAhA…

ONE MORE WEEK TO DANCE WORKS!!!!

Very nervous…. How??? This yr die die muz win…but the chance is like…4/32 with fierce competition? RARRRRR!!!

WE NEED SUPPORTERS!!! PLS COME!!!!

DANCEWORKS 2007!
TAKA
11 March (Nex SUNDAY)
1pm to 5pm (our item @ 145pm)

Yea, dun think bout it anymore!!! COME WATCH & SUPPORT!!!!
Pls come…u kno I’ve been waiting to see u…

YAY! Tml laz day swimmin! Hope I dun drown on the laz session of swimming…

MON 05/03
Eeeee… pathetic half day at 1130…. Better than nothing la… can skip physics (yay!) n GP double period…
Whole day like nothing to do…but need to mug for physics test tml…T.T

Wah… sent lotsa sms around… pls be informed (again) that:

NJC Western Dance is competing in DANCEWORKS 2007!
We are Xfresh!!!!
Venue: TAKA (at the fountain)
Date: 11 March 07 (Sunday)
Time: 1300-1700 (Xfresh will be on stage @ 1345!)

So… come la. You’ll have fun watchin the entertaining & exciting dance competition!! Be prepared for the thrill!!!!

C'MON!!!!

2007-03-01T18:57:00.000+08:00

Wah... i really never blog for so long. didnt realise...
i'll try to revive this.

so my story continues...

WED 21/02
Late for school is bad.

Caught in the stupid jam at the custom early in the mornin and... wasted like...45 mins? juz to get out of that damn jam.
Yea, its somethin i dun like bout CNY...

This year CNY quite pathetic. 5 angpaus only. 90...ringgit, not sg dollar. T_T

I think I saw her today...
She walked passed the hall when we're warming up for practice.
Was it her? i cant see properly without my specs but I think so. I shud've gone forward and find out...
*stil thinkin of you*

sigh.

Was it a wrong choice to confess? but i did it anyway.
Hope she doesn't hate me or what...pls dun walk away and pretend u didnt see me.

*if you wanna find someone to talk to, I'll always be there to listen*

THUR 22/02
Physics SPA...lucky it didnt kill me. survived!

Salsa is interesting...*FISH*!!
Incorporating salsa with locking & breaking = whoa...
See me performin it on
31 may - TJC Modern Dance Concert 07, Reverie III.

Argh. Getting injured easily these few days...why ar? Got cramp yesterday, den today injured my toe. T_T

But Im alryt.

DAMN. got ZERO for maths DE test. 1st time in ma life, 0 for maths.
I wanna cry!!! muz do well for the maths test tml, if not I’ll kena despise...

Angel & Mortal ended...T_T hope my mortal doesnt DAO me after this...
my angel DAO me already.

Muahaha…
tml is... PARTY TIME!!! Man, its time to show off to all TJ people what Im made of!
I LIKE PARTY!!!!!!!

FRI 23/02
I feel guilty. I pon danceworks practice for the TJ yr 1 pae bash.
Joined Impromptu (the grp’s name), performed something laz minute thing tats choreographed like 1 week ago. SCREWED.

Lousiest party I ever went before. I wonder why I was so lookin forward to this yesterday.

The bash sux. Whole thing was like crap. The dumb bands performed on the stage for like hours…which eat up half of the whole party time. Well I dunno whether they really *performed* anot, cuz I cant see quality in their *performance*.
Man, I mean….c’mon! this is a party aint some bullshit concert! I was f***ing pissed off when the DJ starts playin music only in the laz 10 or 20 minutes! WTf?! It piss me more when the damn DJ keep playin the mass dance songs like there aint no other music in the world.
Damn. I can only walk ard the hall lookin at the dumb dumb ppl screamin like hell. they do all sorts of thing they juz dun dance. No one for me to own, damn sian.

I feel guilty. I never go for my juniors’ promotion parade…kena blamed by Raymond…
Yea Im suppose to go n witness their promotion parade but I miss it cuz of the damn bash again.
Anyway, congrats to those promoted...the comp team + Raymond. Haha. juz like wad I expected. Raymond will sure get promoted one. A few months later y’all will take over as ncos, so be prepared. Y’all better do a good job then…

Haha.

SAT 24/02
Gone for practice then go to bugis to search for costume. Took us damn long time, finally found the vest that we want…but very ex… plus the shorts make up to more than 50… T_T

Saw lotsa cool stuff in bugis but sad I no money to buy… all very very ex…
I’ve been longin for a cool tshirt, bandana, knee pad n other cool stuffs… but if I buy all I’ll become poor…. What shud I do???????????/

SUN 25/02
Juz like any other Sundays… bored… nothing special…

MON 26/02
Argh…. The damn econs csq test is crazy.
I really feel like jiao1 bai2 juan4 when I saw the paper. Then I fell asleep for 30 mins, when I wake up then I start attempting the questions… in the end of 1+ hours, I only drew a graph n wrote less than 5 paragraphs… muahahaha….

Sianz… bcoz of the damn econs test I skipped danceworks practice…

TUE 27/02
Haha.

Went for bboy practice in HCI but kena criticized by Felix for not listenin to wad he says….
But I learnt quite a lot la… all the 7 kinds of drops he teach, toprock, n a basic routine.
I was also inspired to come out with my new routine….or rather transition. Cool.

Sad there wasn’t any cypher…

Yea its Tuesday. I rmb she has practice on tue, but I didn’t see her leh… I guess its either I was too late or her practice was cancelled (coz of common test?)… well I dunno.
I only hope to see her again…

Aiiii… late nite ler…
Had a long chit chat with Daniel. Actually he’s quite cute…
I think this is the longest conversation I had in my 1 yr life here in TJ & DHSH….haha.
Arrrr… it reminds me of the good old times that we enjoyed when I was stil in HCIBS…sad that now im here.

WED 28/02
Argh… haven been doin my hw these few days…besides maths…
Am I too slack???
My other frens are busy mugging for their common test while im slackin…guess I shud start putting in some to study…. SOON… but not now… haha

Now I stil need to worry bout danceworks & all boys hip hop competition…after that stil got Aristal & Reverie III, which are the concerts that NJ & TJ dance are goin to have.

Will be kinda busy, yea…
But I get used to it ler…

Nowadays I dance almost 6days per week. Mon, wed & sat for danceworks, tue & fri for bboyin, thur for salsa, n sometimes the TJ hip hop item will crash with ma prac on sat… tats when I’ll say WA SIANZZZZ…

At least im stil dancing…

2006-11-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

ah, juz took a jealousy test i found in lohser's blog....

result:
You are 30.16% jealous!
For this test, the average jealousy percentage is 35.54%.585733 people have taken this test to date.
This percentage means that :
�You are not a jealous person, but sometimes can be.
�Occasionally, you over-react to situations.
�Most of the time, you trust the people around.
�Jealously will not be a major issue in relationships, but you might want to improve your self-esteem.

the problem is i dun even have a gf yet. wads there to be jealous bout??
if only i have a girlfriend....

oh ya! im in for the NJ dancework nex yr. but depends on my performance, i may be kick out of the team if im dun put in effort. but this gotta be cool. we got the champion of overdrive competition to coach us.
he's cool.
his prac is abit tough. need to push myself to follow well.

nex yr gonna be tough. A level, NJ dancework, tj dance concert + lotsa common tests. tj sian.
learning is fun, but studyin is the worst thing ever...

hmmm... i hope i can find time for everything....
ya...everything

2006-10-23T10:50:00.000+08:00

this is writen days ago. juz after promos.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
i have the same feeling now like 7 months ago when i know im cant make it to my desired jc. but this time is worse i think.

I GOT A FEELIN IM NOT GOIN TO MAKE IT TO NEXT YEAR.
IM GOIN HOME.

my results are too lousy to continue with the scholarship. i dun even score a single D, how m i goin to continue?

as i read thru my frens' blogs, i feel more demoralised n intimidated. they are gettin much better than wad im gettin. they achieve wad they aimed for. they have nothing much to worry bout. some are even scoring better than expected.
but wad bout me? im juz a freakin lousy shit who almost failed my maths! got 44 for maths, chance to pass is high.
BUT I AIN'T ONLY AIMING FOR A PASS! I wanted a B for maths! why the hell m i gettin 44 when i know 60 is not a problem to me? losin 20+ marks has already make A impossible for me. now i cant even get a C?!

WHY??

i cant take it. it juz took away hope from me. my only hope. i feel betrayed. betrayed by wad i always trusted. chem has disappointed me alot, now even maths....wad m i suppose to do now? wait for gp results to come n end me off? how m i suppose to be feelin now? hopeless? helpless? disappointed? angry? sad?

i cried. like i did on tat day 7 months ago.
i want to blast the music so loud tat i cant hear anythin else n i cant think bout anythin.
i want to talk to someone.
i want to stop time so tat the next second never comes.
i want to turn back time to the time before everything started.
i want to run away.
i want my life.
i want....i don't want to call home.
i don't want to let my parents know tat i can't make it.
i don't want to go school, i hate tj.i don't want to go home.
i don't want....

im saturated with depression. i hope to talk to someone but there's no one around... no frens.... n no one will have the mood to talk to me at this period of time.
all alone... hopeless, helpless...

i dunno wad to do now....

2006-10-16T20:49:00.000+08:00

today bad mood...bad day...

juz got baq my chem & physics results today... damn.
wad should i be feeling now?

i never get as good as wad i aimed for. got 43 for chem & 47 for physics. wait... my physics is better than chem??? wtf? my chem shud be way much better than my physics ya kno... damn. too much careless mistakes + lost 20 marks cuz no time to finish. if not i'll get better score for chem lor. damn. look how pathetic i am now. juz barely passed 2 of my h2 science subjects, when i was so confident to score for one of them... looks like my level of confidence doesnt tally with the results tat im gettin now. wad de... 17 marks for structured. 13.5 for essay qn. wtf?!

think i gg ler. 2 passes like this made me realise how high is the moe standard... i think i'll need some As for my other papers, if not....

but will i be able to do tat??

maths... abit gg oso. lousy time management make me lose 20+ marks. A? can forget bout it... or my h1 econs? will i get A for it? damn. tat wont happen. for sure.
so, conclusion: cant achieve avg C (or even D) for promos. guess i'll be goin home. =(

gettin depressed now. guess im gonna score full marks if i go n redo the depression test in lohser's blog.

but i aint the only one feelin bad. some of my classmates are sufferin oso. a small number of them have a high chance of retaining. wth?

I HATE TJ.

somehow everything in TJ is never good to me. looks like now even my class oso kena...damn... "my future, my choice" wad the heck is this? juz some stupid words tat doesnt make sense when u out them together? n i keep seeing this all around TJ. again... I HATE TJ! n when is this ever true? if my future is in my hand, i wont be in this TJ tat im so uncomfortable with! im gettin crazy. i wanna kill somebody.

Listen. No one will understand how I feel now. n how I felt ever since the day moe I know im not goin to make it to NJ n have to come TJ. I wonder how will I feel when Im sent baq home? how m I suppose to tell my mom & dad?
It's all because I don't want to face the reality that I didnt make it to NJ & the reality that I have to study in TJ n stay in DHSH. Im trying to escape. U see me going back NJ n HCIBS so often, 'cause I juz want to make myself feel better. Maybe Im juz too weak, no use trying to rebel. Too weak to even survive in this kinda world.
I cant take it anymore.

Am I the one to blame?

I just want to live...

miracle doesnt wanna help me this time.
.game over.

2006-10-15T20:50:00.000+08:00

damn this. guess wad i see when i first step into my room?

A FREAK WHOS ONLY WEARIN UNDERWEAR.

f***. wad kinda roommate is this?! i really feel like killin him, ya kno... damn.
comin baq here is already somethin tat i dun like. now i have this kinda freakin er xin roommate, im really pissed off. he thinks the room is all his.
>half of the room is occupied by his stuff. dun tok bout the toilet that we're supposed to share. it's all his. he made it so er xin i wont dare to touch it.
he got more than 11 pairs of shoes wanderin around the room, n 3 of them are always on the floor next to his wardrobe. he got a whole stack of books (reachin 1 meter now), n a HUGE basket of his er xin cloths, all on the floor. oh, he oso has a standin fan!
f***. dun even have space to walk liao lar. walao. plus he's damn er xin. he WONT wear anythin besides his underwear everynite. tats so torturous to my eye. tamade. damn him. n his er xin prc frens always come n pay him a visit. n it makes me damn freakin pissed off when he n his frens come n polute the room. man, he stinks! damn it.
havin this kinda roommate is one of the worst things tat can happen. tats why im always tryin to avoid stayin in my room.

this kinda life sux.

life isnt any better after promos.

stupid pw's comin up nex. now we're rehearsin op over n over again. damn sian. results comin out soon. tats when i'll know if im able to survive thru this shit. damn tj. i juz hate tj so much. they're moderatin physics marks so tat its harder for us to pass n score. tats damn f***ed up.stupid tj modern dance say they goin to start prac for syf (which is in nex yr). wtf? n it'll be under zaki somemore. i *puke blood*. i aint gonna join syf for tj. NO WAY! n never ask me to work with tat guy. i'll juz get pissed off cuz he knows nuts bout wads hip hop n how to prac for dance. ain't gonna tok bout him anymore, it'll juz piss me off.

life is full of blamin and complainin. when will we learn to appreciate things around us?

sigh...

2006-10-14T19:31:00.000+08:00

Wah... bu zhi bu jue 10 days never blog ler...hehe...

Today blog cuz got big event goin on in NJ. IT'S NJ OPEN DAY!!!
Well i woke up at 7 juz to rush der to meet up with the dancers... the open day actually starts at 10.

WOW! NJ open day is so so so so so SO SO SO different from tj one. I think tj one really sux like ****. No qi fen at all. Juz students settin up their booths n walkin around, foolin around. sian ryt? damn sian lar... Den the performance bein put up is SO DAMN LOUSY LA... ok la, not all la... Wushu was quite cool, cuz chen shao was der doin his imba moves... but the bands...*puke blood*.. the singer so freakin lousy stil dare to go on stage to throw face.
Another thing i wanna complain bout tj open day is they give us a so damn small stage to perform... So damn small tat i wont call it a stage. **** TJ!!! ...
n modern dance perf is... ar... dunno wad to say... Ok la, i got my own solo part la... but i rather give up my solo part to improve the whole choreography standard lor.... n i wonder WHY WE ARE GETTIN THE BEST RESPONSE FROM AUDIENCE?!?!?!?! Guess tjcians stil dunno wad hip hop is really bout... sigh....
I strongly believe tat this kinda standard of hip hop really cannot show other ppl one leh.... We lucky we have noobs to watch our perf. But if got ppl who are abit pro den this kinda dance will be *WTF*ed.... sigh..

NJ is alot better. FOR SURE. They started to prepare since one week before (i think) or more. The whole NJ was really decorated until beautiful beautiful. Den all NJCians are really doin their part to make the qi fen very re nao n fun. n they got alot of *quality performances. Really good ones. Got chinese dance, hip hop, harmoc, choir, band, n lots more... Pro ones... n look at the stage!

This is the stage in the hall, for the band performance...the hall got aircon somemore...

& This is where the performin arts group performs. Btw tat's harmoc band on stage...

NJ stil the best. Wanna watch hip hop perf? I mean good one lar.... WATCH NJ WESTERN DANCE!!!! They r good. REALLY. I feel so proud to be part of them. but i cant be together with them all the times. =(
They r performin for the open day, so im there so watch. n oso to look around la...n to see see the girl...
They did the asean dance item n their teachers day perf. Both are damn good. Impressive.
They attracted alot of attention, n the audience are actually WAITIN to SEE THEM PERFORM!!!! Cool ryt? Man... see their choreography... see their coordination... really not bad one leh...
Sad i wasnt there to dance for them...

This is their teachers day perf at MOE. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r61YVj5rPWg

DAMN... I so damn xian mu NJCians... i xian mu Xian Yong... damn him... His stall is so near to her stall! n he was standin nex to her for bout 1 min?? Damn... wait... Is this xian mu or du ji? Ar... HECK...

...Girl yer so cute. Am i the kinda guy u like?

2006-10-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

OH MY!!!
finally i got online ler. walao. SIAN DAOOOO.

promo started ler. so far 3 papers over. physics, gp & econs. dunno how i'll get... dun have any feeling after doin all the papers leh... physic shud be ok.. ppl say mcq is the killer...i dunno...
gp...err.. at least i understand wad the passages r crapin bout, but essay i juz anyhow write. prayin to pass...
ECONS!!!! oh my!! the first time ever i use more than 1 piece of paper to do econs... feel so damn song!!! fingers write until sour ler leh! but stil dunno will do well anot. err... not say do well la, shud be can dun FAIL anot...
tml is maths. die die muz score for maths... but so far i havent been practising my maths leh... i was addicted to a game now. n i was playin it all the time. i was stil playin it before i write this...XD ...if my maths die= me die=GG... oh my!!! no no... cannot lidat. muz mug liao. later la. after dinner den i start muggin. hoping to get an A for maths. n chem oso, which is comin on monday. but think chem harder to score.... see see first la.

my target, ya: A maths, B chem, C physics, E econs, S GP. maybe abit too high la. stil dunno... may change from time to time. according to moe criteria, im supposed to get an average C for my 4 subjects (besides GP)... but dun think anyone can do tat... or maybe someone can, but not a lot of them... my senior oso tell me the criteria not tat high. shud be around avg D. so... hopefully its avg D la.

cuz i wanna live on....

2006-10-01T14:44:00.000+08:00

(i shud've blogged this 2 days ago but due to some problems i couldnt access the internet...)

29/09/2006.
today is a real nice day man. a special day actually. super happy day.

Gelukkige verjaardag
誕生日おめでとう
행복한 생일.
alles Gute zum Geburtstag
buon compleanno
feliz aniversário
с днем рождения
cumpleaños feliz

er... these aint egyptian language or wad. they're juz how to write "happy birthday" in 8 other languages...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
oh my! my 1st time ever man... never really give a present to any girls....

i went baq to NJ this mornin, to mug physics. n oso to camp there la... wait for their maths paper to finish at 1115. eh, not bad leh, i did quite a lot of qns lor...n have better understandin of the physics concept le.

at first i tot she might reject my present. but she accepted it!!! oh my! im so so happy!!! =)
girl, hope u have a great birthday this year...

will always remember =)
U

2006-09-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

~once a st john, always a st john~

altho i didnt make it for otc, but i stil have my uniform with me. im stil a st john.
thank you wiliam sir. i know u called me n tok to me cuz u scared i cant take it. he called me on sunday when im inside 7-11 q-ing in front of the atm machine.

"hello, can i speak to alex?"
"yea, i am."
"this is william sir. u know me rite?" (i think bcoz i sound abit lag cuz i cant hear very well. it was abit noisy...)
"err... ya...""are u sick?" (guess i was speakin abit soft...tryin to keep my volume down inside the 7-11)
"nope."
"are u ok?"
"yup, im fine. im alryt..." (i know he's tokin bout otc...)
...den he start an wei me sayin im actually one of the average ones in otc. i passed all other criteria besides theory. (man, i cant believe i failed my theory AGAIN!)
den he say i can come baq again nex year. but i say i got a lvl n other commitments.
"u can stil come baq n join again nex year..."
"nah, i got a lvl nex year, really gotta study very hard. n i oso got other commitments..."
"dance?"
"yup..." (cool...)
well, he's a nice person.
"even after otc, im stil ur SI. im always ur SI. if u have anything, can always call me."
ya, failin otc sure have some impact on me. but i feel much better after toking to william sir. thanks.

anyway, OSCAR is the BEST!
man, i missed POC.
hope i was there. i juz wanna see how happy my groupmates are.
hope i was there to see their new ofrricer look.
hope i was there to see their new edition of chicken dance.
oh my.... if i was there i gonna break. even if im in my u!!
haiz. sad sia.
nvm la. our bitter sweet memories i will not forget. the time we spent together i will treasure.
lets hope tat we'll be able to meet up again in the future, ayt!

stil feel so dead. left 5 days. promo. OH MY!!!!
XD ...damn scared la...if i lose this i'll lose everything!!! EVERYTHING!!! which i dun wan to!
gg ler.... do i stil got hope? dunno... miracle pls?

OH MY...im gettin nervous. its this friday!!! waited for tat day to come... very gen jiong!!! pray hard tat everything will go fine tat day...

2006-09-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

*im...arrgghhh!!

life is so different here compared to life in hcibs. n this is e thing tat makes me really cant study. i really feel so.
baq there is hcibs, i got a whole bunch of frens tat i live with. i got nice roommates. i feel happy over there. tats where i think i really belong to.
dunman is not e place for me. i have nothin here besides myself. no frens. small n packed room sharin wif a damn roommate. dim lights.
dull.
meaningless.
lifeless.

i juz came baq from hcibs after stayin there over e weekends. illegally. but i had lotsa fun there. its great to see my frens baq there. we played dota, we scream like hell man. my frens there r full of life man. they're always crap stupid stuff tgt, crackin jokes. juz being funny. well tats e kinda life i want to live. i wanna get tgt with my frens there. tats my life over there.

im now a dead man. i feel like im wastin time over here, no matter wad i do. sometimes i can juz lie on my bed keep thinkin bout e pathetic situation im in now, for hours. i cant stand this kinda life. why? why m i so dead now? i always think tat if i appealed successfully baq to nj baq den, everything would be perfectly fine now. i wont be livin like this. why do they hafta to this to me? dont they know tat they're takin away my hopes & dreams when they want me to leave? im now a hopeless fella. i have nothin here.
if i were able to continue in nj, i'll be a lot better than wad i m now.
my frens r there.
my place is there.
NJWD is there.
the girl i like is there.
everything is there, but im not there. im at no where. im stuck here, all alone. i dun wanna be here. i never wanna be like this. why they hafta do this to me?! im dead bcoz of them! the damage is done. the pain is always in my heart. the pain never leaves me. since the moment tat i know i hafta leave until now, the pain is stil here. i dunno wad else can i do to make things better. i dunno how can i continue here. its only 1 more year, but it feels so long. n i dun even know whether i can survive thru this year. everything is juz so worst to me.

at the moment tat i know tat my appeal failed n i hafta leave nj n hcibs, 我有的是千千万万个不愿意. baq to the boardin sch, i locked myself in my room n cried. i was very angry n upset. angry bcoz the moe didnt approve ANY of the scholars who appealed; upset bcoz i hafta leave everything i have there. why do they hafta do this to me, to us?! why does they hafta do this when i've found found the girl tat i like & my passion for dance there?! i stil think tat they treat us very unfair. they give us no chance to appeal. if not bcoz of them, our appeal would have succeeded. victims of the education system.

*victimised*hopeless*lifeless*failure*down*helpless*dying*falling*injured*bleeding*dead*

help.

2006-09-21T23:17:00.000+08:00

好久没有动过我的blog ler...
no time lar... me is so busy.. somemore very difficult to get online somemore... + lazy to write blog...

sigh...life aint good these days. average Cs for 4 subjects? errr.... stupid promo's comin in 1 weeks time. but i stil cant get myself down o study properly. stress sia. cant even cope with hw now, stil talk bout studying? wad bout e Cs? think they snatch my scholarship away...sigh... how demoralisin is it when u hear all yer classmates say tat avg Cs are mission imposible? when its e minimum requirement for u to continue survivin here? im e bottom ones in class, ya kno? if y'all really wan me to pass this, pls say it's possible. it'll help me. at least make me feel better.
I really HATE promo. it makes me so damn stress. i dunno wad ryt does it have to decide my fate for me? i'll be at nowhere if my scholarship ends like this. man, too much things to compain bout. but i cant do anythin to make things better...sigh

juz knew tat i didnt pass my otc. kinda expected tat...but i didnt know tat i'll feel like this now. i tot i'll be fine since i expected e failure. sad tat otc is over. sad tat we'll be separated. will we stil stick tgt as one oscar? anyway, oscar i stil love u. congrats for all other octs who passed otc, becoming officers. all the best!! anyway, i'll stil go baq to HC once in a while to see my juniors. officer or not, i wont be different.

i want to live. pls dun let me die here now.
*I believe in miracles. but miracles don't seem to be with me.

2006-08-27T20:38:00.000+08:00

Losing the battle without a fight
haiz... its sad tat we end up like this... i guess we'll feel sad for this.
its overdrive. we shud have start preparin weeks b4 instead of doin it last minute... how can we go n compete without a good starting & ending? argh... sad dao. we're very panic yesterday... can feel tat all 4 of us really dunno wad to do. we stunned for hrs, in e end, we didnt do it... i think shiwei will feel very disappointed oso...sigh... feel very bad now, like we've wasted a chance. haiz. now muz learn from mistake. so nex time muz be prepared n start early.

teachers' day is comin. shit im gonna perform for TJ. if not i could've pon n go baq HCI to visit my sec sch teachers. my sec4 class planned to go baq tgt to visit our teachers, but sad i cant go der tgt cuz of e performance. sad sia...
oh ya, im gettin my digital cam ler! thanks to zhao, he helps me to buy e cam n pay for me. so now im owing him like 300++... maybe need to save until nex yr den can pay him baq. haha... now i scare i cmi for promo den nex yr i wont be here... scary.

2006-08-12T13:23:00.000+08:00

...

i saw e girl yesterday. i bet she didnt notice me. she's my angel. i'll feel very happy everytime i see her, i cant keep my eyes off her...even though she's juz doin nothing. she's so cute. i didnt approach her. cuz i was halfway chattin with my frens, n she was pretty far away. i juz look at her...until i cant see her anymore from my view.

Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feeling (what am I doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Is this an illusion that I have in my heart?
*Frankie J Ft. Baby Bash - Obsession (No Es Amor)

i guess we're stil frens, rite? although i've never contact her for quite a long time... i stil remember e 1st time i saw her. she was like any other girls, but e next time i saw her, i start to feel something different. she's a pretty girl... i started to look around to see if she's around everytime im walking along corridors or in e canteen... i start to think bout her den... until now. i stil remember sometimes she plays e piano at e round table area, i miss those sound... really, i miss her too. i dun think she'll remember much bout me...maybe she remembers me as a lazy student who never pass up his essay... or maybe a guy who dunno how to talk to a girl... but i'll be glad as long as she remembers me.
i know its impossible ask her to be my girl now. we're studyin in different sch, hardly see each other. i know i shud approach her more often...get to know her better 1st... but somehow i feel abit strange to approach her suddenly to ask 'how r u doin now?'
wad shud i do? i really dunno how approach her now....
maybe its quite impossible to be with her...hope not...

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful it's true
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
I will never be with you.
*James Blunt -You Are Beautiful

hope we can at least be frens. i can be your good listener whenever u want your voice to be heard. i can be e someone u approach when u feel boring or need someone to talk to. i can be e one to cheer u up when u feel down. i juz want u to know u're not alone...

2006-08-10T15:28:00.000+08:00

life's no good here...i hate here. everytime i come baq i juz feel so bad. this place is demoralisin me. maybe becoz i dun wanna belong here. this place simply juz reminds me e worst thing tat ever happen to me, tat is to be here. i dun have frens here. i cant concentrate to do anything here. i cant study. this is not my place.

everytime i enter my room... my mind will starts to complain... damn, its so squeezy. i cant breathe properly. i dun even have a proper place to sit down...(i can only sit on my bed) this room is so damn small i cant even do a freeze here. n dun go to e bathroom pls... it'll usually be flooded. cuz my damn inhygenic PRC roommate who did it. he's disgustin. he causes water cant flow thru cuz its stuck by his hair... or wadever. so everytime he went into e bathroom n come out, e toilet will be flooded with all disgustin stuff tat u can think of. i have to use e common bathrorom when i wanna bathe. i hate my roommate. basically everytime i come baq i'll feel damn 烦.

i wish so much tat im stil in hwa chong boardin sch. if i had a choice i wouldnt come here. thanks to moe again, they considerately change me to this damn hostel which is so call near to my jc. i rather stay in hcibs n spend 1.5 hr everyday to take bus from there to my jc. in hwa chong, all my frens r there. there's blue tea where i can buy food to eat n its inside hcibs itself. e rooms r big enough for me to do things i wanna do. it'll always be windy there cuz its on e hill top, so i can take a walk around hcibs n feel e breeze when i feel borin or wad. n its so near to nj & hci, i can easily go there to visit my frens & juniors. movin to this place where i am stayin now, i feel like i've suddenly lost everything. my life become meaningless now. everyday i juz go to sch study den come baq n do nothing. meaningless... i cant study. i feel so constricted tat i cant study. everynite i cant study i'll turn on my laptop n listen to some music... den maybe i'll write my blog, or look thru my photo album... until i feel like sleepin.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold on
On to a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

How could this happen to me?
I've made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me?
*simple plan - untitled

2006-08-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

i'm...traumatised
i'm stressed...depressed... n pissed... i've restarted this stupid com for 3 times to get this blog done... damn noob lag com.

shit la... pw wr cmi leh... i hate pw, it sux... too bad its a A lvl paper, i hafta do it no matter wad. tats why pw sux more. i gotta apologise to my leader if i never do a good job, cuz im not e kinda person who can do project or research or anythin similar to these stuff. stressed. i dun wanna do, n i dunno how to do these stuff, but i dun wanna drag my groupmates down becoz of my lousy performance. i've caused lotsa trouble to my group. im not commited to pw. i think they're gonna fail me... gonna die anyway.

damn... it would be better if i didnt come to tj. why m i e unlucky one tat kena kicked out? how come none of e scholars who appeal success? its so unfair... i was so upset den.. even now i stil remember how unhappy n helpless was e situation... i hate being a scholar. but sad to say, im one. if im now in nj & stay in hcibs. i bet my life would be much better n meaningful, compared to e kinda hell life im livin here...ders no frens here tat i can approach when i need someone to talk to... im only close to my frens in dance. so when i feel helpless, im really helpless. life here is scary...boring...meaningless...ya, basically, life sux. if im never come to tj n dunman, it wont be like this. thanks to moe, im now in tj.

I'm just a kid
And life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid
I know that it's not fair
Nobody cares 'cuz I'm alone and the world is
Having more fun than me
*simple plan - im just a kid

i miss her. long time never see her ler.... really miss her alot.

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you
*backstreet boys - i still...

2006-07-31T19:25:00.000+08:00

STRESS...

argh... lotsa stuffs need to be done this week man... all so urgent. STRESS SIA!!! got tutorials, pw EOM & WR... wah... can die lo... now i stil need to attend remedials for 3 subjects... T_T e HOD wanna meet my guardian ler, cuz my JCT cmi. damn it. dunno wad to do now... busy... stressed...

& i miss her...

2006-07-30T21:55:00.000+08:00

FINALLY...

OTC final course day... its e theory exam & MOI. becoz of asean dance, i didnt have time to prepare for it... but at least i did e power point presentation... e theory exam was simple...if u studied for it. its juz mcq & some qns wif ans tat can be found in all e notes... i think i can fail my theory... i cant even recognise our dear chief commisioner....OMG... i juz anyhow tembak. hopefully my mcq can score by luck.... theory is juz 1 part of e criteria to pass. stil got MOI (method of instruction) where we hafta prepare a presentation on a selected first aid topic & present it in front of a evaluator & our group instructor. my topic is intro to CPR. i prepared it last minute yesterday.... lucky i can finish it after asean dance...
i only got 8 simple slides, each slide only a few words or points... i tried to explain more & give examples... i was quite nervous den... but i think i canmake it lar... hahaz... when Q&A, got ppl ask me this: if e casualty got HIV & sufferin cardiac arrest, we stil do CPR on them? i stunned awhile... wad an amazin qn... so i ans it depends on whether u wanna do it anot, cuz u have risk of kena HIV... (hahaz... not bad ans sia...) den e examiner oso say e same thing... soooo... i think my MOI presentation not bad lar... maybe can pull p my overall result... hope i can pass & be an officer... haha... so GD LUCK!

2006-07-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

ASEAN DANCE 06

man... yesterday nite was so damn fun. its the Asean Dance held in Grand Copthorne Hotel. its a dance nite tat lasted from 6 to 1130...there r 3 dance performances being put up... all 3 consist of e proud NJ dancers... n i was in 2 of them. NJ juniors' dance was e 1st to br performed... made of 7 dancers of NJWD (2 r adopted members)... it was great. we've been practisin for weeks.... but our efforts have not been wasted. i was very high when we're performin... was really enjoyin e dance itself... i believe everyone had enjoyed our performance....

next up is e seniors' item. i missed it. i was changin my costume & preparin for my nex performance wif harie, mc & ceryl. this one is not tat good... when e music started, we couldnt hear e music. so, e 1st part was screwed up. if not, our startin will be perfect... we catched e music soon after tat, only den we can really show our dance...n so far so good, until my solo part... i screwed up abit, my routine was messed up, but somehow i stil can continue wif it, juz tat its not e best tat i can do... n so, e dance continues... n here comes Bills Bills Bills, i can proudly say tat its e best part & e most impressive part of our performance, cuz this part is coped from hyun joon's crew (at battle of the year 2005). many ppl say its kool & very well done... haha... im so glad to hear tat! i wonder if anyone took video of our performances.... i wanna review our performances...to see how kool we r!

i love this kinda event... e lights r dim... mr DJ keep playin e songs... e music was so loud... u can feel yer whole body shakin wif e beat of e music... everyone starts to bounce wif e beat. den ppl start formin a big circle...n tats when ppl can show off their dance moves... TATS e WAY I LIKE IT MAN! u'll see some ppl being pushed into e circle, they do their things, n come baq out. there was breaker too! so i went into e circle too. i did my windmillz... my frens all cheerin for me...OMG, tats so damn kool. e crowd was very high... this is IT, man... there's oso ppl doin some liquid & popping. they r all kool guys... i oso did some popping when i go in e circle e 2nd time! it was so fun. i was enjoyin alot...

all e hip hop music & band performances lasted till 10+. den mr DJ startedto play e slow music. ooooooohhhhhhhhhhh... seeing other ppl pairin up to do partner dance... oe & ale danced together leh! so sweet.... aaaaawwww... everyone else quickly grab a partner & dance... but i can see there's quite a number of lonely guy standin at e side... so sad...

halfway, e music suddenly change to some disco music wif super fast beat... mr DJ wanna summon those who knows breakdance to go on stage!!!!!!! OMG! i quickly rushed to e front n see of anyone go up & break... now there's 1 guy to e stage, yea, n he's really to break.... n OMG... he did a DRILL!!!!!! tats OWNING!!!! his routine was good... n he oso did a jump spin (i dunno wad its called)... n tats super kool!!! he's a good breaker... i dun dare to go on stage to challenge him... maybe nex year... den there's another kool guys who go on stage to do popping... OMG, his slides r so smooth... great performance by 2 very kool breaker & popper... i'll go n polish up my moves & maybe nex year i'll come baq again to show off....

den, it comes baq to e slow & romantic songs again... u can see couples hugging each other so tightly... aaawwww... maybe u'll see some kissin too... well, i saw a few did tat... moments later, i find my frens like all missing... suddenly all disappeared... some got their partners... some juz stand somewhere at e corner n be a lonely guy... so, me xian xian jenjen n luozum r e 4 lonely guys who walk around sadding... so sad..
man, i wish she was there... e ppl in e room have their partners, n i dun... i start to think bout her...she's so cute, & so pretty... i miss her so much...she shud've come... if she came, i'll ask her to dance wif me... i'll hold her hands...n i'll tell her tat i really like her & i miss her alot....she's the girl... imagine i could dance wif her for e whole nite...i wish i could.... i was so upset tat she couldnt come. i feel so lonely...walkin around thinkin bout it... next year it cant be like this! no matter what, i must invite her to come. i wanna dance wif her.... i dun wan to be lonely again...

2006-07-15T21:23:00.000+08:00

man, its been a long time a never blog.... very busy..really... lotsa things happened this week, both happy & sad things. hope i can stil remember n write down all...

common test is over, n im game over. i flung all my subjects. maybe not tat bad la, after moderation maybe it'll seem better.... but its actually e same to me.... all below 50, so all fail la basically...maths is my best, sigh... can die liao... chem used to be my best, but now my chem is ungraded... econs...erm.. only write 1 piece of paper, wad can i expect? got 14 for econs (haha, not single digit, abit unexpected) & physics....nothin i can say bout tat... lol... start to worry bout promo exam ler.... if i die for promo, i really can die.... cry ba...T_T...very sad oso, my class changed 4 teachers out of 6. wah...our class 04/06, really 4 out of 6 teacher gone... even civics tutor change lor... he's a nice person... but e new CT oso good la,teach us pw oso. only maths & physics teacher never change... lucky sia... think i gotta work hard for my promo exam. cannot flung my promo.....

well, on 14th july, friday evenin 1830 to 2000, i was in nj LT5, watchin harmonica concert ECLECTIC. why i wanna watch e concert? cuz e gal is performin, of coz i hafta support her la, duh...well, another fren of mine is oso performin, so i oso support him la...she's so cute... almost 90% of e time im starin at her lor... but she's not in e 1st row, so kena block abit, but can stil see her cute face. i like to see her smiling, cuz when she smile....is juz so pretty, so cute... i wonder if she notice im there starin at her....she's good! sad there's no solo performance, if not for sure she'll solo... e whole performance actually end later than 2000, but i leave early cuz im in a rush, need to go baq dunmanhostel to perform for their hostel anniversary. i took a taxi baq. man, taxi fare really rise leh... i paid 10 for e trip lor... walao....

so after i reach, stil got a bit time to get prepared. our dance is e final item of e event. so, our group, sponge (duno spel corec anot) performed for e dunman high hostel anniversary. i dunno why harry chose sponge to be our group name....hahaz...our group, 4 dancers, me, harry, mccarl & cheryl. practised for only 1 week..no, i think less than tat... haha... i was incharge of e dance, 1st time. quite successful, i think, although we screwed up a few times durin e performance....(shit....) we wore e aristal t shirt as costume, got a "dancer" at e back, look damn sei...hahaz... after e performance got compliment by hostel staffs & friends, feels very satisfyin....this kinda fellin really feels great... we took a few photos, very happy. ha. now aim for asean dance. we're gonna make a better dance for asean dance. btw, we only started choreographin & practisin bout 1 week b4 e performance...hahahahaz....

oh ya. guys, e asean dance tat im tokin bout is on 29 july at grand corpthorne hotel. it'll be lotsa fun there. u can see lotsa dance performance & u can dance whole nite there. juz 15$. lemme know if u wanna come.

all e best!

2006-07-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

argh... common test over, sch start ler... tj teacher mark paper damn fast, got baq my 1st paper ler -- maths. haiz... i was once damn good in maths one, but now... WWAAAAAA... drop like shit. got 47 marks. DAMN.... 3 major careless mistakes make me lose 10+ marks...T_T... stil not enuf time to finish lor, 1 easy qn gone lidat... damn sad... worse, almost all my classmates (13/18) flung tat... sigh.... how m i gonna let my mum know this???? shit....she's gonna nag at me again. n again...
haiz. forget bout those common test. demoralising. i stil got econs somemore... man, cant wait to see my new econs teacher's reaction when she sees my paper... hahaz...

man... sangat* gen jiong leh... waitin for reply from e breakdance crew... very scared... wad if their criteria to join is to have a 3 min routine? ...or airtrack? wah, if lidat i cannot wor... takut* leh. me stil very lousy leh, i need someone to help me oso... so, pls.... lemme in....

meanwhile, im currently oso preparin a dance performance for e hostel anniversary. dancin wif harry & mc, all 3 r the adopted members of NJWD....(hwaaaahhhh!!!! sei bo!!!) 1st time incharge of a dance, time to gain some experience. hope i can make it nice & smooth. but very cham, 10 more days to go. i stil haven finish e choreography & music. haiz. cant mix e music so well like adi.....so, gotta pia liao....jia you!
hey, im lookin for dance competition to join now. last time, mc & his team have won in a dance competition leh... i oso cannot lose to him... (haha, frenly competiton!!) i oso wanna join competition! & win some $$, of coz... cuz now i almost broke ler... anyone knows any hip hop competition out there let me know, k?

comp teams: again, ALL THE BEST. muz pia, aight? show em wat u got!

*sangat = very
*takut = scared

1st post...

2006-07-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

1st POST

wah...siannah... OTC every sunday leh! lucky today's lecture stil ok. got 1 sir tok bout counseling, i enjoyed tat one. n oso the damn farny sir... man, i cant stop laughin... today is the best day in OTC so far, haha...

last week was common test week. DEAD. econs sure fail liao lo!!! ahaha.. write only 1 piece of paper for case study & essay qn, man, im damn sei... n when i hand in to the teacher, i like the stunned expression on her face, HAHA... sigh... think i wont score well. i use to be very good in chem & maths... now... sigh... like shit. both paper cant finish... die ler ... T_T

hey... im thinkin to join a breakdance crew outside. y'all think can i make it? man... i've been hopin to join since the beginning of yr till now, coz of busy activities.... i oso long time never practice ler, dunno stil can do my moves like b4 anot... maybe im stil too lousy, only know 6-step, turtle, windmill, & some basic freezes... sigh... but i stil gotta try. cuz... man, it's my dream!!!

oh. the girl... i miss her a lot eh... since i go baq msia for hol i never see her n tok to her ler... now damn sad. miss her so much... how? wad to do now? shud i confess, tell her i like her? argh.... pain pain pain... gotta jia you abit more!!!

sec 2s: hey, sorry guys. i know y'all have done the tough things cuz i didnt help y'all to qiu qing. but its from this kinda situation tat y'all will grow stronger. i saw lotsa improvements in y'all, ya know, since the time y'all come in as sec1. im really proud of y'all. but y'all see in yer own squad there's some ppl not puttin in the effort during training. among the non-comp i can see some r really good n some r like shit(well, i mean their attitude). listen, i want y'all to know this: y'all r a squad, u lift each other up, everybody shud rise together as a squad. u don chiong yerself n heck care the rest or juz slack there n drag the whole squad down, k? c'mon, help each other... listen, y'all have a good pc now. if ying cheng & i r stil takin y'all, i dun think y'all can be as good as now. believe me, y'all can be a lot better.

COMP TEAMS: ALL THE BEST IN NATIONAL COMP! MUZ BRING BAQ CHAMPION FOR HWA CHONG, K!!! DUN LET DOWN YER CORP!!!!